Lameness

For the record, I hate my ISP. I can't wait to get DSL.

I never thought I'd say that. But I can get it for 50% off, and if I want, I can get my own home run from the DSLAM. Mine, all mine!

As for the stupid Clearwire, I need to move the modem so I get better signal, but this is fucking ridiculous.

Phones

So we made it through six weeks in the classroom to get to this point: talking with real live customers on the phone.

I didn't want to push the button... who the hell knew what was going to be waiting on the other side. It wasn't so much fear, it was knowing that many of our customers are calling about mistakes on their bills -- mistakes mostly due to their inability to read and comprehend.

My first call was 50 minutes. Five zero minutes. At the end of it, I sold a phone and added a 2-year contract. Roughly $110 toward my commission. I guess we're supposed to do $1,000 a month. Maybe more.

The rest of my calls... I forgot stuff. Didn't follow my script, couldn't sell shit. Meh.

All in all, I think I had one of the more positive experiences. I didn't freak out, except for when I didn't know how to transfer a call -- I mean really, you expect me to remember something I was shown 5 minutes before I hit auto in? I don't think so. And don't get cranky with me because you can't keep cool under pressure.

I guess in my old age, I don't let shit bother me like it used to. You have a bad call? Chances are, the next one will be better. Or the next one. There's *always* light at the end of the tunnel.

We were relatively insulated from bullshit until today. I guess it's easy to look back and see what we could've or should've done differently in the weeks leading up to this. We want one thing, they want another. We'll see who wins.

Seriously...

Yeah. I'm a heretic.

Snopes.

History.com

And amazingly, there's this from allaboutjesuschrist.org (nope, not linking to it, sorry):

Origin of Christmas - The Traditions and Controversies
For today's Christian, the origin of Christmas is, and should be, the birth of Jesus Christ as recorded in the Bible. Nothing more and nothing less. However, most of what we witness on December 25th each year has absolutely nothing to do with that blessed day, which probably occurred in late summer or early fall about 2,000 years ago. In fact, most of the customs and traditions of Christmas actually pre-date the birth of Jesus, and many of them are downright deceptive in their meaning and origin. Here are a few examples:

The date of December 25th probably originated with the ancient "birthday" of the son-god, Mithra, a pagan deity whose religious influence became widespread in the Roman Empire during the first few centuries A.D. Mithra was related to the Semitic sun-god, Shamash, and his worship spread throughout Asia to Europe where he was called Deus Sol Invictus Mithras. Rome was well-known for absorbing the pagan religions and rituals of its widespread empire. As such, Rome converted this pagan legacy to a celebration of the god, Saturn, and the rebirth of the sun god during the winter solstice period. The winter holiday became known as Saturnalia and began the week prior to December 25th. The festival was characterized by gift-giving, feasting, singing and downright debauchery, as the priests of Saturn carried wreaths of evergreen boughs in procession throughout the Roman temples.

Variations of this pagan holiday flourished throughout the first few centuries after Jesus Christ, but it probably wasn't until 336 AD that Emperor Constantine officially converted this pagan tradition into the "Christian" holiday of Christmas.

So, from what I can tell in my brief amount of research, the "real" day isn't important to the devout, it's the "spirit" of the event. I guess I can buy that. Maybe.

But really. Get off the "put the Christ back in Christmas" soapbox. Not everyone is Christian. In fact, most of the world isn't.

If you want to focus on something, focus on the spirit of peace, love and giving -- all year, not just one or two days. If people put the same amount of energy they use shopping and being greedy into something positive, the world could be an amazing place.

Put that same energy into becoming educated, especially since 2008 is an election year.

Accuse me of not being in the "spirit of the day," I don't care. I'm tired of the hype and the bullshit. Love your family and friends all the time. Give people gifts just because, not because the TV or the calendar tell you to.

Seriously. Pomp and circumstance are one thing. Be genuine, be original, be independent.

P.S. Mikey, I'm starting with you. Be warned. You're gonna get a whacked out, random gift as soon as I find one that's suitable. :D

P.P.S. Pre-emptive defensive response: I'm not the Grinch and I didn't kill your dog or your mama. Agree to disagree and we all get along. If you want to press it, well...

Dogs & cats living together

Roscoe doesn't know that Murphy is a cat.

He keeps trying to hug him with his big, sharp teefs, which I have HUGE problems with. He generally gets along with Cassie because he grew up with her; he has no idea what Murphy is, or that he's the same species as Cassie. I guess 'scoe sees Murphy as a threat, since the cat has been sleeping in the bedroom, and the dog has been sleeping on the couch.

Now, if they could all get along, Roscoe could sleep in the room too. But he's being a royal dick, and I'm not going to have him killing the cat I rescued from the Humane Society.

I am certain that Roscoe has ill intent toward the new feline. He never growls. Never. And the tenor of his bark tells me that he's got aggression toward new cat. The bad thing is, if he does something horrible to Murphy, I think I'd get rid of him -- who can trust a dog that kills another pet? And then I'd have horrible guilt for taking him and getting him put down.

So we're going to try and avoid all that.

If anyone has had good luck with acclimating a dog with a new cat, please do share. I want my animals to get along.

Until then, the baby gate stays up and I go hunting for a squirt gun or bottle.

New cat!

So I got a new cat.

He's Murphy Ringo Caine III, or Murphy for short.

He looks like this:


More pics here.

Tis the season

OK, Black Friday.

Let me back up and say that it was way too fucking early when I saw Christmas decorations in September. I knew that was the beginning of the end.

But let's embrace capitalism and greed, certainly the hallmark of any holiday season.

The mall here opened at 1 a.m. That's one in the fucking morning. People were lined up since 7 a.m. on Thursday. By the time the sunset, drunk rowdies showed up and tried to cut to the front of the line. They were rebuked, violently, and the police were on hand to maintain order. When it was time for people to enter, they surged forward so violently one of the doors was ripped from the frame. Most folks were there with hopes of getting something free -- there were unfounded rumors that Nintendo Wiis would be given away.

In any event, for a time of year that's supposed to be about caring and loving, these bargain hunters seemed to show their true colors.

I haven't cared for the Black Friday rush at all. It was bad enough the Christmas I worked in the mall. I hated the people, I hated the music. The only thing that came close was last year, when Corp X was blaring fucking carols over the speakers on the call center floor.

I like the idea of giving and sharing, but I think that giving should be an all-year sorta thing. Bowling over other shoppers and fighting over the best deal isn't about giving, it's about greed.

I could go on about this, I think I have just about every year. But I'll save that for another day. It's been a long fucking week and I'm anxious to kick back and kill some shit.

Days 6, 7, 8

So I've slacked a bit. Go fig.

Training is getting to the point where the talking is taking its toll. Many of us really want to get to the hands-on part of things. We get different trainers presenting different topics, and several of us have really noticed a difference in styles. We really like our main guy, Lance. That's not to say the other presenters aren't saying anything of value, it's just that several of us know what we like.

We're still learning about call flow, some of the systems and how to type like a demon. Yesterday was our first day of something called Keynomics -- seriously, this is typing boot camp. I only did 61 wpm, well below where I thought I'd be. And 10-key... let's just say, fuck that shit. 10-key is not my friend. I can type by touch, even with some of the stuff on the top row. But that 10-key crap... gah. part of Keynomics will include putting little stickers on certain keys on the keyboard so that eventually, they'll all be covered. This will make things interesting.

One thing I've really noticed about our class is that we all like the idea of being a team when we hit the floor in March. We don't always agree, but we respect one another and there are enough different backgrounds where there's usually someone there to fill in the gaps.

Here's the place of employment:



Oh, and here's the view from the fifth floor, where we'll be spending a lot of time:

Day 5

The weekend couldn't get here quick enough.

It's not that class is terribly difficult, but there's something about being crammed into the same room for 40 hours that's a little ... trying.

The worst thing, is that in an effort to stay awake, many of us have started snacking A LOT. So I've pretty much decided I'm going to start walking during lunch -- we get an hour, so why not? And to give myself some extra incentive, I got this:



Yeah, I know. It's technically No. 4, though it makes three in my possession. But it was $40, so I can't really complain. The sound quality is surprisingly good and I love that I can pick and choose what I want on the Shuffle. The first gen Shuffles could only be autofilled with random stuff; I love having more control. So, that means the 80 GB stays home and the Shuffle will be with me just about all the time.

Yay!

And yay weekend!

Day 4

So we watched this in class today, and I love it!



Best news: Tomorrow is Friday! And we gets some $$$.

Day 3

They like giving us stuff.

Today, we got our badges and a lanyard. Yesterday, it was four smaller workbooks and a HUGE binder full of stuff. And a badge holder. Also today, a notepad and pen and cotton candy. And sometime next week, we'll get $25 just for showing up everyday for training. If we have perfect attendance for the first 8 weeks of training, we get $25 for each week -- for a total of $200, tax free money.

If I switch my internet over, I'll get money. Same thing with wireless, residential phone, long distance and DirecTV. If I sign up friends and family, I'll get credit as well.

If you sell certain items on certain days, you get money or gifts. And it's not one of those "hey, we'll have that for you next week." It's right now -- something that could have made a huge difference for Corporation X, back in the day. If you promise an employee a bonus and expect them to perform, it's best to have the bonus in a timely manner. Everyone did get taken care of, but some of the achievers had to wait 2-3 months for their payout.

There's a lot of enthusiasm, a lot of hype and rah-rah, go team sorta stuff. I don't have a problem with it; I'm just preferring to be skeptical and take a wait-and-see approach.

And yeah, still waiting for the humor to come of this. Maybe once we get into our software.

Day 2

The second day of training.

We're still not into the meat of things. We watched several PowerPoint presentations (omg, gag), did more paperwork, did a few exercises and ate big bags of *real* popcorn that could be had for 50 cents a bag (with real butter!).

I tried to find street parking and gave up after 10 minutes. I don't mind paying $2.50 for the day -- after living in the Bay Area, it's a bargain. I'll be getting a monthly pass, at least for the rest of November.

I guess we're supposed to get some folks in tomorrow to talk about the employee discounts we get and all that good stuff. I don't have reason to believe these folks won't make good on what they promise. They apparently hand out gift cards like water for performance and sales. Several bonuses are on the spot type deals, others are weekly and monthly, and still others are quarterly. If they deliver what they promise, and from talking to other employees they do, it should be easy to snag some of those incentives.

Works for me. :D

Day 1

So today was the first day of training at the new job. I'm working for the phone company now, and don't have an employee number just yet, so the update to the career part of the page will wait for a bit.

But yeah. These guys believe in training, training, training. 12 weeks. Four months. I don't graduate until March. Seriously. That's a long ass time.

I think it will be an interesting process. I have no expectations for this job. I took it because the pay was decent with the chance to make commission, and the benefits kick huge amounts of ass.

There are 18 of us, and we're in the basement, aka Floor -1. It's kinda neat working downtown; we've got tons of restaurants to choose from, and it will force me to get acquainted with an area I don't spend much time in. We get an hour for lunch -- which is amazing in a world where you have to cram food and whatever else into 30 minutes.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. As class progresses, I'm sure I'll have more fodder for this space.

Rambling

Been a long time since I've posted anything in any blog. And really, there hasn't been a whole lot of interest to write about.

But here it is, 7:50 a.m. on a Sunday, and I find myself awake, so why not?

I start a new job Monday -- another new job. This will make a total of 4 this year. It makes me question what the hell I'm doing with my life and the choices I've made.

I could've stayed at Corporation X, but I really don't think that would have worked out. I enjoyed working for the Hardest Working Man in the World (we can safely call him He-man now), and I guess the other bosses would've been OK, but it really was time for a change. I had been there over a year, so I felt pretty good about the move I was making.

XYZ, Inc. seemed like a good idea, at least until it became clear the bottom line was more important than really fixing the issue and making sure the customer didn't have to call back in 15 minutes because you rushed through everything and didn't accomplish a damn thing aside from getting them off the phone. My body is basically what told me I needed to get out of there -- frequent migraines were the biggest clue, running out of microgivashits was the other.

Hub 40 was a temp job, and I knew I'd be finding something else, so I don't feel too bad about that one. It was a decent job, it helped pay bills and no real complaints aside from not enough hours.

The new company, well, I don't know a whole lot about them aside from a consumer standpoint. I'll probably end up blogging about them since I'm in training for 12 weeks and there should be plenty of fodder there.

There was more stuff I was going to write about but I seem to have lost interest. That's why I shouldn't get up so early on a Sunday...

End of an era

Or, the wrong store closed. Or, why must bad shit happen to good people?

Yeah, I'll say it. That rat-hole known as A-1 should have closed, not Video Game Trading Post.

I'll admit it. When I moved up here 7 years ago, I didn't really know the difference between the two stores. One was off by itself, the other in a strip mall. They both had tons of old games. Both of them put me off -- one store had the female version of Skeletor, the other, some indifferent dude who didn't bother to say "hi" when we came into the store. I wrote one off. And I gave another one a chance.

Today was the last day VGTP was open, but it wasn't the same. The clutter that we all found comforting was gone. The walls, save for the wonderful mural painted by Ed Watson, were bare. The main display cases were gone. Nothing on the walls, except for the old 48 Hours clock. No Final Fantasy posters, no NES or SNES games... it was all gone. The inventory lives on at another store, but it won't be the same. It can't be the same.

In her blog, DJ points out the Post had a life of its own, it was an entity. And she's right. Once I became a regular, I found myself down there at least one day a week, sometimes, several -- depending on what I needed to get away from. When you collect games, there's always something you're chasing. I'd get called if something special showed up. I was able to answer questions DJ didn't have answers for. And when I was laid off at the Statesman and ended up working at the game store at the mall, I still had time for the Post. And then, I was invited into a very exclusive club -- working at VGTP.

I was there for just under a year. I met lots of people, got to know several folks better -- two became roommates, one (who I had met before I was an employee) eventually became the only other man I'll have in my life.

There's been talk of closing the Post for just about as long as I can remember. And so when I heard the news this summer, I wasn't sure that it was going to happen. Not this time. They'll find a way out, they always do. But they didn't. Things happen for a reason. We'll all move on. But no one says it will be easy -- or that it should be.

It really hit home this afternoon, when we dropped by to ... I guess pay our respects (it really was like a wake). DJ wanted a pic of Scott and me. As we stood below the mural and Scott put his arm around me, it hit me: There wouldn't be an *us* without this place. And that made me sad. Yes, I've been saying for some time that I can't imagine life without Scott, that I can't remember what it was like when I was married to the ex-person, but really, it comes down to the chain of events that led me to the Post, and to the day DJ told me she wanted to hire me -- complete with the caveat of "I only ask once. If you say no, I won't ask again." And even though it was for less money than the mall, I took the job.

We've been through a lot of shit. They were there during the break up and divorce, through the depression and while I was trying to get my shit together. They were there when I found me, when I found love. Really, it feels like the Post was there for me more than I was for it. But I think there were enough of us who dropped by to keep it going -- at least the spirit -- where it was kinda OK if we all didn't get over there as often as we should.

It would be easy to be bitter, to blame the market, the competition. But how often do people get a second chance? I know I got one, and at least on the relationship side of things, I didn't squander that. There will be other stores, there will be people who try to copy what made the Post great. As customers, we'll find other places to get games. It won't be the same. We know what to look for, we know what makes for a fair price and when we're getting screwed. Those other places to buy games, those are just stores. Corporate or local, they're just providing a service. They won't have the character or the spirit of a place like the Post.

I won't back off the assertion that the wrong store closed, that bad shit has got to stop happening to good people. Seriously, Karma Bunny, when are you going to give these folks a break? I'm not asking for a lot, just go kick someone else in the balls for awhile. Really.

The sadness, the emptiness will be there -- especially when we drive down Fairview and see the store empty, or with someone else in there. It will pass, as these things do. More quickly for some, less quickly for others.

And really, as much as I'd like to say something poetic and meaningful, what needs to be said is very simple:

Thank you. For everything.

Lighting II

White bear on a white background


Smaller light box with bigger lights

So in our quest to build the perfect cheap-ass light box, we've added some items to the arsenal:

• two 250-watt halogen work lights
• a new power strip
• smaller box, roughly a third the size of the original
• the ability to guide planes into my living room
• the ability to heat my entire basement area with two halogen work lights

Anyway, I still need to try the new lights with the bigger light box. I think the results will be favorable, but dammit, I just don't have enough time in the day...

And I really need to shoot during the day. The planes coming in at night REALLY disrupt the creative process.

Chlorine

Dear motorcycle-riding cell phone user heading east on Goddard,

I'm calling you out because you're the second stupid fuck I've seen doing this in a week. I know that you think you were on an important call. But let's take a closer look at what you were doing.

1. Riding a motorcycle. For the most part, this is an activity that requires two hands — especially if shifting, turning or stopping. Most people can't handle this activity when it's got their undivided attention. I know you aren't a Mensa candidate; I saw the kind of helmet you were wearing.

2. Riding a motorcycle. I don't care how good of a rider you think you are; all of us who have ridden on the street know you have to watch out for the assholes in cars. Many of them claim motorcyclists are hard to see. If they don't see you, how the fuck do you have enough time to react if you're distracted by talking on the phone?

3. Talking on the phone. There are few things that are important enough to warrant a call in the car. Your baby better be shitting baby zebras if you're talking on the phone on a fucking motorcycle. I mean, why not pull over? What the fuck is that important? Is it worth crashing?

4. Talking on the phone. I have to think that talking on the phone while riding a motorcycle is dumber than talking on the phone in the shitter. It's got to be a least as annoying for the person on the other end. I'm very conscious of how my background noise affects the other person. Maybe it's just because of the way I was raised, or because I really dislike talking to someone with a lot of background noise.

In any event, keep both hands on the handle bars and put your fucking phone away. Otherwise, we'll chalk this up to chlorine in the gene pool and pray you haven't reproduced.

See you in the Darwin Awards!

Memory

"Flags are bits of colored cloth that governments use first to shrink-wrap people's brains and then as ceremonial shrouds to bury the dead."
— Arundhati Roy

CNN was on in the break room for most of the day. There was a lot of coverage on the Senate hearings and the propose troop pullouts. There was coverage of the 9/11 remembrances, images of the towers falling, images of the smoldering Pentagon.

I'm not going to rehash what I wrote here and here. I think there's merit to the idea that 9/11 was an inside job. Want a copy of "Loose Change"? I'll gladly burn one for you.

In any event, working for XYZ Corporation, and the project I'm on, folks are pretty conservative. At lunch, I heard the following exchange while 9/11 footage was on TV:

Gray-haired dude: "I remember it like it was yesterday."
Old bald dude: "Yeah, me too. I wish more people did. My folks know exactly what they were doing during Pearl Harbor."

OK. I don't think any of us really forget what happened that day. Does bringing it up everyday make you a better American? Are you more patriotic if you have more flags and magnetic ribbons on your car? Seriously.

Everyone remembers — or mourns — in his or her own way. I didn't know anyone in the towers, the Pentagon, or on the planes. It was a tragedy, a slap in the face to what so many hold dear. I knew our world changed that day, but it took a few years to figure out what that change was. It took a few years to realize the war has nothing to do with 9/11. I don't think that makes me unpatriotic. I think more questions need to be raised about 9/11 and how and why those towers fell. We certainly don't have the right answers on why we're in Iraq. And really, I don't think many people realize that we're a heartbeat away from martial law. Patriot Act folks, look into it. Damn that soap box...

In any event, I won't forget. You don't forget traumatic events; many of us bury them so they don't boil too close to the surface. There's nothing wrong with healing and moving on. Living your life with raw sores exposed to the elements is nothing more than sadomasochism. I tried that for awhile. Self pity and loathing just aren't worth it. You've got to move on.

You don't forget, you go forward.

Lighting

converse, originally uploaded by bobaferret131.

So I finally did it.

I built the light box I've had the link to for several months. I think it would work better if the box was square, but all things considered, it turned out pretty well. I need some stronger lights, but I need a little thing called money for that.

This is also a post from flickr, so we'll see how it looks.

Larry Craig T-shirt ideas

• I'm not gay, but my senator is
• My gay senator can beat up your gay senator
• Jiminy!
• Remember: It's only gay if it's in you
• Gay Republicans love Bush
• "I've got a wide stance"
• Airport bathroom love

I love the Smoking Gun

Guilty

Dear Senator Larry Craig,

Here's a thought.

Don't plead guilty to a crime if you didn't do it. Pleading guilty is an admission of guilt. It is not the best way to "get past" an issue. It may be an indication of poor judgment, though trying to solicit sex from an undercover cop is probably worse. And being afraid to come out of the closet... yeah, that's not so good either.

Buck up, Sen. Craig. Being gay isn't as bad as you seem to think it is.

It's worked out pretty well for my dog.

Numbed

I can't feel my face.

OK, more accurately, my tongue feels like it's the size of New Hampshire and my chin feels like it's sticking out about 10 feet from my face. My cheeks... I don't know if I have them any more.

Lucky me, I got two fillings today. It was about an hour in the dentist's chair. I thought they were going to be on the same side, top and bottom. They were both on the bottom, a molar on each side.

Yay.

My mouth was propped open for an hour. Thankfully, the numbness hid the fact my tongue had turned into the Sahara desert. I could tell my upper lip was dry, since I still had feeling there.

The drilling was relatively unpleasant. She used several different drills, or attachments. I know they have different degrees of fineness — the last one she used on each toof felt like it could punch through concrete. Thank dog it didn't go fast.

When it came time to fill these holes, it felt like there were about 20 things in my mouth. For starters, there was a block used to prop open the mouth — there are 4 muscles for biting down, only 1 for keeping it open. Then there was a truckload of cotton, the water thing, the sucky thing, a band around the toof, some wedge things (I couldn't really feel where those went) and then the good doctor poking around.

Opening my eyes just wasn't an option.

Thankfully, the filling part didn't take as long as the drilling, it was just more uncomfortable. Poking, prodding, rinsing, drying. And then they were done. Teef almost as good as new.

We'll see how long it takes for me to get feeling back. My chin is still very numb, cheeks don't exist. While I can't feel my tongue or taste anything, I know it's there since it feels gigantic. It's this mass in my mouth and I feel like I could bite through it. It's pretty weird to bite it and feel no pain. Yeah, no eating for quite some time.

Oh, and talking? Yeah, right. It's like Elmer Fudd, Cartman and Sylvester rolled into one.

We like...

• nice, long hugs that you don't want to end
• purring cats
• dogs that are so happy to see you they can't stop wagging
• holding hands
• laughing about silly things
• the light in his eyes when he smiles
• being tired and content
• being loved
• being us

Revolving

Responsible people, as a general rule, are accountable for their actions. They plan. They factor in little things like traffic or lines at the airport.

I know I'm irresponsible with things like money, and not wanting to work all the time. But if I know I've gotta head through security at the airport, I'm gonna get there 2 hours early so I'm not late for my flight.

At Oakland, the line through security was pretty long. I don't know if these people were full of shit and wanted to get through the line, or were really late. But there were 5-7 people who asked to cut to the front of the line because they had to make their flight.

Let's think about this. You generally make your flight reservations 2 weeks in advance. So 20 minutes before your plane leaves, you panic because you didn't give yourself enough time and then think you need special treatment so you don't miss your plane.

Listen, dumbasses, the rest of us are capable of planning. We can tell time, and we can structure our day around when we need to be at the airport. So what if you have 45 minutes to kill before takeoff. Isn't that better than running behind and inconveniencing others? It's that fucking sense of entitlement again, the belief that the world owes you something. It's the belief that the world owes you something.

Wrong.

The only thing you're entitled to is being kicked in the balls by Karma Bunny.

Bitches.

Progress?

Wandered up to Telegraph Ave. today. For those unfamiliar with the area around UC Berkeley, this is the street with the funky vendors, head shops, killer record stores and plenty of character. At least, that's what I remember.

Still a decent number of street vendors (one of mom's classmates has a jewelry stand), still some character, but it doesn't have the same gritty Berkeley charm. It's like the street sold out to the suburbanites that are inhabiting Cal these days.

Back in the day, there were lots of local businesses, real hippies and real punks. You could get a giant slice of pizza for about $1.50 and get a few CDs (or tapes!) for under $20. There wasn't a corporate presence.

A lot of that changed after the Rodney King verdict riots. Telegraph was a popular target for looters and many businesses couldn't afford to stay open.

That doesn't explain the presence of Hot Topic on Telegraph.

For a city known for quirkiness and uniqueness, WTF is Goth in the Box doing — especially on this street?

Maybe the suburban, Republican college students need to be reminded of the mall back home. But really. If you want vanilla, don't go to Cal. Pick some boring-ass school in the middle of the country, get a mediocre education and keep your boring-ness the hell out of what used to be the heart of the radical revolution.

Ants marching

After a few days without the intarwebnets, we're on again. Yeah, definitely some withdrawals going on there, but what else do you expect from someone with an Apple tattoo?

People in Boise talk about traffic, how it takes sooooooo long to drive from Boise to some place like Meridian or Nampa. Please. From Boise, you can get to just about anywhere in 15 minutes. From Berkeley, you're looking at 30 minutes minimum to get anywhere. Don't bother with the freeway, it's not worth the frustration or the time.

I love the Bay Area. I'm proud to be from here. I love that I can get Indian, Southern, Chinese, Japanese, whatever kind of food I'm in the mood for. The weather is great, there's plenty to do. If you're a sports fan, this is a great area for college and pro sports. The schools are solid and it really is a beautiful area.

What I dislike is the sheer volume of people. And today was Saturday — and the roads were clogged. There are too many people, too many cars and not enough space. Sure, the air is cleaner here, and the Bay is right there too. I think living in Idaho has ruined me for what I'll tolerate in terms of crowds. I like the pace of the big city, just get rid of some of the people. Think about it: We're like ants, traveling along our paths, clustering in our work groups, traveling back to our nests. So much easier to get where you're going with fewer ants in the way.

Boise really isn't too horrible, other than being in the middle of Whiteyville and lacking diversity in ethnicity and food. The thing that drives me nuts about the Treasure Valley right now is the air quality. Well, that and the fact I can't drive to the coast in a timely manner.

It is good to be with family. Haven't done anything too exciting, but really, that's not what I do on vacations. We've gone out to eat several times, done a lot of shopping, but mostly, it's just been rest and relaxation.

So yeah. Time to get back to that relaxing thing.

Vacation!

Been up for 2 hours already... probably didn't need to be at the airport at 6 a.m., but better to be safe.

Not surprisingly, there are quite a few people here — more crowded than what I'm used to seeing. I don't ever fly out this early, but it made more sense than leaving late last night. At least I'll still have the whole day.

Don't have a whole lot to say, just wanted to take advantage of the free wi-fi at the airport and post. :P

Yeah, I'm that big of a geek (duh).

And for the record, goodbyes still suck, but I think I did better this time than most. Would still rather have the man coming with me on this trip instead of delivering me to the airport. The ride was greatly appreciated. And he gives good hugs.

Car ride

mom took me on a car ride yesterday. i like rides. i want more rides. i want to go to fun places.

i didn't get to sit next to mom, but i had a whole spot to myself. sometimes i fell off the seat. i don't know if mom knows how to control the car. i think she goes fast. we passed a lot of places i wanted to sniff and mark. i was sad we didn't stop.

when we stopped we were somewhere i had been before. there were lots of smells. we went inside and there were SO MANY different smells! i want to sniff everything but mom didn't let me.

we went into a room and i sniffed. mom put me on a table and i didn't like it. the other lady talked to me and i sniffed her. then she put something in my BUTT and i was sad. she tried to give me a cookie when she took the thing out of my BUTT but i didn't want it. she violated me.

then a man came in and i sniffed him. he talked to me and asked mom some stuff. he touched my privates and i didn't like that. then he took me out of the room and i saw cats and dogs. they were scared and sad. some were happy because they were going home. a lady took me outside and i got to PEE! then she brought me back to mom.

we sat in the room for a long time. i got the cookie and i hid it. the man came back and talked to mom. then we left. i was too tired to look around but we were home very soon.

we went inside and cassie came and sniffed me. then mom gave me CHEESE! i think there was something in it, but i got CHEESE! it tasted good.

i was tired and i took a nap. when i woke up, i felt pretty good. and then i got more CHEESE.

Viva what?

Saw a commercial Sunday night.

Six middle-aged guys in some kind of bar. They're playing instruments and pretending to sing. It's got a cheesy sorta Chili's or Appleby's sound to it. Then they get to the chorus.

Viva Vi-agra.... viva Vi-agra

Why the fuck ... ?

Saw the commercial again tonight. "Check with your doctor to make sure it's safe for you to have sex."

I think at the point that you could kill yourself having sex, you shouldn't do it. Really. Get cozy with a tube sock, or just don't do it. I mean really. For 15 seconds of ecstasy, is it worth a coronary? Hell, for some old guys, sporting a boner would probably be enough for them to pass out.

Then again, it's better not to think about old men and boners. Or a cheesy bunch of bad lip synchers butchering Elvis.

Yeah, it's time for sleep...

Riding through

Resignation isn't always a bad thing.

Nixon's resignation worked out for the country and really helped the greater good (the greater good). I'm pretty proud of two resignations I turned in — leaving the Press-Tribune and the one-sentence letter I turned in at Corporation X.

Then there's the kind of resignation that comes from just being along for the ride. Many of the passengers on the Titanic were resigned to their fates. Millions of people are resigned to living mediocre lives, working mediocre jobs. There's the kind of resignation that comes from knowing fighting will hurt too much. In some cases, it's better not to rock the boat.

It pains me to see the fight taken out of someone. But there are some instances when it's better to fight another day.

There's a delicate balance. Do you fight for the sake of fighting, because it's the right thing to do, and risk alienation? Or do you sit back and let whatever happens happen? My instincts tell me to do both. And I've been wrong before — for fighting and for sitting back.

I don't think there are many people who enjoy sitting back and watching, especially when they're right. I suppose patience and a Zen approach are part of taking the high road. It's difficult to take the "wait and see" approach when you know you can affect the outcome. There are times I lashed out and regretted — check that — disapproved of the end result. Some things are better left unsaid.

Yeah, here I go being vague again. But it's not my fight. It could be, but it isn't. I can only provide support, which I hope is enough. It goes back to doing the right thing, and fighting for what you care about.

I guess the lesson here is that sometimes, not fighting is the only way to win.

Grrrrrrr...

I fought the migraine all week.

It left yesterday afternoon, only to be replaced by a headache later in the evening.

I wrestled with what kind of headache it was -- right side of head; opposite from where I get my migraines. Could this be food related? Possible, since I think certain foods (like wheat and dairy) are migraine triggers now. It took awhile for me to recognize it as a sinus headache -- hadn't had one of those since I was sick this spring. I had gotten to sleep at a decent hour but tossed and turned until the pain forced me out of bed.

No problem, I thought at about 3 a.m. Still have enough time to rest up and head to work. I tried using ye olde neti pot to clear the nasal passages and no luck. The ice pack was doing nothing. I took a vicodin. I think I passed out close to 4.

I woke up at 6:40, which is about 5 minutes past when I need to leave for work. I vaguely recall hearing the alarm, but I don't remember shutting it off, which is what must have happened. And so here I sit, sheepish and chagrined, knowing that missing this much time from work is a bad thing.

It's apparent I need to get my shit together again. I never used to get sick, didn't really care. And now, I've let health issues control way too much of my life. To be fair to myself, I've got a pretty decent pain tolerance. But there's something about the way migraines hurt that is soul crushing and demoralizing.

I need to get past that. And I need to figure it out soon.

Migration complete!

OK,

All the bloggings live here now. I'm granting access to people I want to read and to those who ask for permission. So if you're in here, then you get to see all the craziness in my head from the past few years.

Myspace finally allowed me back into my own account. Not sure what the fuck they were doing, don't think I care. Blogging will be done here, not there because it sucks. I will use that site for socializing and that's about it.

Even with having my profile limited to friends isn't enough; I'm just pretty annoyed with that site. Plus, I've got enough space on my .Mac account where I can start hosting a lot of my own stuff. But before I get there, I want to spruce up ye olde template here. And who knows when I'll have time for that.

Anyway, I need to find sleep. Migraine has finally left, but I've got a plain old tension headache. Woo fucking hoo.

News flash

Myspace sucks ass.

I've been denied access to my account for about 8 hours now, no explanation, no email, no ability to contact these needle dick dipshits to find out what they're doing to my account. I just want to get the rest of my blogs out of there. This is the note I tried to send them:

This is the message I've been getting since around 2 p.m. today:
This user's profile has been temporarily disabled for special maintenance.
The profile will be available again shortly.
Sorry for the inconvenience. 8/8/2007

When I try to log on, I get:

Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred.

This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group.

That's the same message I get when I click the link for "home."

All I want to do is migrate my blog entries from this site to a new home. What gives? And what kind of maintenance are you guys doing to my profile? This is pretty annoying. If your error message was more ... relevant, I'd probably be OK. But it's vague and doesn't tell me anything. If there's a problem with the account, how about an email? You guys have that info on file.

Thanks. For what, I have no idea.

I don't know what I expect. It's free and it's the trailer park of social networking sites. I only really like it for the blog, and this one is way better.

And yet, I can log on with Roscoe's account... What. The. Hell.

Another open letter

Dear Migraine,

I'm guessing you don't know how to read since you're still here. I mean really, there's a perfectly good host for you in Idaho Falls. I'll draw you a map.

Seriously, you were supposed to be gone this morning. And no, you won't entice me to take that Imitrex shit again. No way.

I would like to thank you for allowing me the time to consolidate my various bloggings into one location. I couldn't have started that project without your help. But you're an asshole. And staying around won't make me like you any more.

You're awfully resistant to the normal methods. I'm not sure what this means. In any event, take a fucking hike. I'm thinking healthy thoughts. Go find a new host.

~ J

Migration

So this is the 4th or 5th blog I've done. I've got one on my .Mac account, there's a LiveJournal somewhere, myspace (blegh), virb and facebook. I'm planning on adding them all here, so everything is in one place.

Prepare for more incoherent ramblings!

Edit: I've gotten everything from LiveJournal migrated and I'm halfway through the .Mac stuff. Woo.

An open letter ...

Dear Migraine,

How are you doing these days? I haven't seen you around for a bit, and I can't say I've missed you. I think I was better off when you weren't here. Not only do you make my head hurt like someone's driving an ice pick through my left temple, but you make me sick to my stomach. I applaud your consistency, but you get in the way of things like work and life. And it's getting old.

I've done what I can at the doctor. I guess maybe I need to throw down for an MRI to see if there's some other nefarious cause for you. Yeah, I've still got that Imitrex. But you want to hear something funny? That stuff makes me feel worse than you do. What are the odds?

And yet, I took the Imitrex last night -- against my better judgment -- and was pretty messed up for the rest of the day.

You probably think it's OK to come and go as you please. Three days is definitely enough to wear out the welcome, and you're terrible at getting the hint that I'm sick and tired of you being in my life. Whether it's prescription drugs or the home remedies I've tried, you hide for a bit and then continue your stay.

Take the hint: Fuck off already. I can think of two people you should be with -- CWB or my ex. If you pick CWB, feel free to turn into something vile like chlamydia or genital warts. If you pick my ex, I'd like for you to live in his penis and/or testicles. Because really, who wouldn't want their ex to feel the searing pain of an ice pick to the balls for three days straight?

Still bitter? A little. Tired of the pain in my head? Fuck yes.

Thanks for caring,

Jen

Nerd envy

I'm a geek.

Let's get this out of the way now. I love my Powerbook, my iPod, my digital camera. I have 3 (three!) video game related tattoos. I have an Apple logo tattooed on my right wrist along with the universal power symbol. I know the names of minor characters in Star Wars (all 6 movies) and have a collection of action figures, Legos and books.

For fun, I paint pewter miniatures and play several different tabletop war games. I own a PS2, GameCube, Dreamcast, Sega Saturn, Sega Genesis, Sega Master system, NES, Super NES, N64, Nintendo DS, Sega Nomad, Sega Game Gear, tons of old Atari stuff and a Neo Geo Pocket.

I have a small collection of anime, some sci-fi on DVD and a decent amount of anime and video game collectibles. I do enjoy video game soundtracks and have played a few MMORPGs.

I do not dress up as any of the characters from any of the above items. Well, except for Halloween, when I was a Mac and Scott was a PC. And I was Mario at work. But that's beside the point.

I am not, nor will I ever be, a member of the sub-nerd culture that we were exposed to today.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I have the right words to describe the scene that unfolded. We were only there for about 4 hours. It was something greater than fear; they knew we weren't one of them. Like it was hard to tell we weren't into live action versions of cartoons. Or manga.

Scott and I spent part of Sunday afternoon at Fandemonium, the local anime/sci-fi fan fest. We were there to demo Warmachine, our war game of choice. Since we were doing a demo, we got in for free.

This thing started on Friday. This was the last day. I'm really, really afeared of how things looked on Day 1.

We had a few folks interested in the game we were playing. We decided to throw down a 750 pointer with bigger versions of the armies we used in Saturday's tournament. There was a nerdling who took interest and I think he wasn't sure how to handle being spoken to by a human female. Didn't like to make eye contact, took sideways glances, that kinda thing. He seemed interested in the game, then had to run off to play Magic with a friend. *sigh*

Lotsa folks in costumes came in and out of the room -- which was designated for table top gaming. There were some pen & paper RPGs going on and some flavor of Games Workshop miniatures gaming. The guy with the straight jacket and scary mask made me giggle. His friend had black and white facepaint and looked like a reject from Inane Clown Posse. There was the guy with what was supposed to be a Sonic the Hedgehog costume. He was affiliated with the BSU Anime Club. Note to self: Never. Getting. Involved. With. That.

There were folks dressed up as various anime characters I recognized -- recognized but couldn't name, thankyouverymuch. Sonic the Animehog was scary. That was before I saw the sub-nerd with the wooden katana shoved through his belt loop.

I think the thing that bugs me the most about the sub-nerd dorks is the fact they think everything Japanese makes them cool. They were drinking overpriced Japanese soda, eating overpriced Japanese candy and dressing up as bizzaro Japanese characters. Katana Boy was just sad. What he supposed to be?

"I'm Mega Gaijin! I will impress you with my trivial knowledge of all things Japanese! Did you know that shoyu is Japanese for soy sauce? Did you know that miso is made with fermented tofu? Did you know that tofu is made from soy beans? Hey, wanna go hang out in my basement and watch Dragonball-Z and play with my Wii?"

After our volunteer time was over, we walked around the Nampa Civic Center to check out the sights. Plenty more costumed folks, ranging from Strange Girl in Kimono, to Squirrelly Boy with Really Big Sword to Ohmygawd I Don't Know WTF You're Supposed to Be But You Scare Me and I'm Walking the Other Way. Then we gathered our belongings and went in search of food.

Leading up to this weekend, we had joked about how I could be pursued by the white & nerdy set. Asian gamer geek female with video game tattoos; plays video games and table top war games. It was suggested I could end up in some nerd's closet as the latest addition to his All Things Japanese Collection. Yeah, there was no way I was going anywhere there alone. But it didn't hit me until we were in the car: Until we arrived, there was a conspicuous absence of Asians.

But really. I can completely understand the lack of Asians. If I wasn't there to demo Warmachine, I would have stayed far, far away. And ethnicity aside, would you really want to be in a convention center with things like this:

*

*Not an acutal image from Fandemonium. These are random folks found on a Google search for cosplay.

The fandom way of life isn't my thing. I'm a collector. I collect series of DVDs, I like to have all of the music from some artists, I like to have every unit/model for the armies I play. I count that as OCD, not fandom. Am I a Mac fan? Hell yeah. Apple and Macs are a way of life. And I guess the argument could be made for anime and manga being a way of life. But I don't need to put on a costume for my lifestyle, nor do I need to immerse myself in another culture to be "cool." I can respect the people who do the costume thing well and aren't complete flaming dorks about it. I will keep a safe and healthy distance from the others.

But hey, I got blog fodder out of the whole thing. I left unmolested and without having anyone try to talk to me in Japanese -- which I don't speak since dropping language school around 5th grade.

And I owe it all to this guy:



Just call him the envy of all nerds.

It really does pay to have a boyfriend who looks like an axe murderer. ;)

The sweet taste of anger

I still haven't gotten the hang of this finger pricking shit.

The manufacturer says it's "one touch", but "ultra soft"? Who the hell are you kidding? There's *nothing* soft about lancing your finger, or fingers, in my case since I'll be good and god damned if I can get enough blood for my meter to read on the first try.

But then let's mention the fact that the doc wasn't planning on having me test my glucose since telling me I've got Type 1 diabetes a week ago. Since it's in the "early stages" he was going to have me wait 3 months for my second hemoglobin A1C test to see the changes from my initial blood work.

What?

In researching what this diagnosis meant, we discover that:

Type 1 diabetes occurs when the body's own immune system destroys the insulin-producing cells of the pancreas (called beta cells).

Normally, the body's immune system fights off foreign invaders like viruses or bacteria. But for unknown reasons, in people with type 1 diabetes, the immune system attacks various cells in the body. This results in a complete deficiency of the insulin hormone.


And:

Many people with type 1 diabetes live long, healthy lives. The key to good health is keeping your blood sugar levels within your target range, which can be done with meal planning, exercise and intensive insulin therapy. All people with type 1 diabetes must use insulin injections to control their blood glucose.

You will also need to check your blood sugar levels regularly and make adjustment of insulin, food and activities to maintain a normal sugar.

I know there needs to be a baseline before we jump to insulin therapy. But really, to not tell me to check my blood sugar regularly, that's just asking for trouble. And that's where the anger comes in.

I don't blame anyone for this; I know it's genetics and I'm OK with that. But at least give me the tools I need to manage this and figure out what the fuck is going on with my body. Don't end the office visit while I'm peeing into a cup. Don't make me call your office twice to find out it 1) I should be testing my glucose -- which everyone I talked to recommended; and 2) to get a prescription for my testing supplies, which cost way more than they should (more on that in a moment).

The other part of the anger: Why me? Genetics aside, I can think of people who deserve to deal with this the rest of their lives. CWB, for one. I'm 35. I'm not in great shape, but I know people who are worse off than me. I know it's not a death sentence; it's a lifestyle change and it's something I think about an awful lot these days.

Then there's the anger at the system, at "the man." I can't be without health insurance now. Doctor visits, tests, supplies. A box of 100 test strips retails for about $100. For tiny, little pieces of plastic. Lancets? About $40 for 100. Thanks to insurance, the test strips, lancets and alcohol swabs came to about $42. For roughly a month's worth of stuff, maybe more depending on how often I test.

My insurance has paid for itself just in supplies. I don't want -- I refuse -- to get to a point where I need to rely on pharmaceutical companies for my well-being. There's a better way, a more natural way and I will seek out the alternative and homeopathic methods whenever I can. I'm angry enough about being a slave to the heath care system. I will not be enslaved by pharmaceutical companies. Fuck them right in the ear.

Anger isn't necessarily healthy. But I know I need to stay angry, at least until I come up with a plan. I'm conscious of what food does to me now. Why did I eat those hash browns? What was I thinking when I got that bag of Skittles? The hash browns brought my glucose from 109 (which is probably too low; I didn't snack between lunch and dinner) to 223. As I said, I don't know what ranges I need to stay in. I know that I've still got a raging headache, I feel drained and I want to throw up. I keep telling ye olde gag reflex there's no point in vomiting; that meal is long metabolized and I will only get more dehydrated.

Yet, there are periods when the anger fades into resignation. I'll always feel like shit, always feel run down and there's nothing I can do about it. I shouldn't worry; the doctor didn't say I needed to test, so why should I? I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, eat a little less and walk the dog more.

Sure, in 3 months, I'll be on medication to regulate my blood sugar and maybe won't need to take insulin. And maybe, the world will stay just peachy through these rose-colored glasses.

And maybe, just maybe, monkeys will fly sideways out my ass.

The head-in-the-sand approach has never worked for me.

I found myself a new doc; I don't get to see her until the end of August, but she comes highly recommended. I've got an exercise plan and need to start ASAP. I think I'll start feeling better once I get into a routine. Candy and sweets have lost their appeal and I don't crave salty things, either. The days of grabbing a bag of chips for a snack are long gone. We're going to keep it healthy and organic whenever possible.

It's not the end of the world. It's definitely life changing; I can't deny that. I'll get better with the finger pricking. Today was the first day of it.

I've got plenty of time to practice. And learn how to manage Destructo, the pancreas o doom.

P.S. Please don't mistake this for a plea for sympathy... I needed to get a lot of this out of my system and figured I'd share with the group in the process.

P.P.S. Karma Bunny, please feel to kick CWB in the balls. I will gladly donate any points I have with you to this cause. And talk to your friend Dan, the dyslexic DNA Bunny about visiting the Alpha Hotel to do the Whiskey Tango. Thank you.

Title goes here

Hey look! Song lyrics posted as a blog entry!

Not sure if I'll elaborate more; if I do, it will probably be on my other blog.

I may post a real blog here if I get some inspiration. Until then, lyrics.

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try, baby
And have a little faith in me

And when your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darlin' from a whisper start
Have a little faith in me

Sometimes ...

Sometimes, you do things just because.

A whim. An impulse. A wild hair. Spite. Shits and grins. To see what happens.

Or, because it's right.

Righteousness is a powerful thing. You may not be in the right, but if you believe in the cause, in the situation, the circumstance, you'll feel righteous and therefore, it's easier to rationalize.

But this isn't about rationalizing. It's about doing the right thing.

We aren't always able to ask "why"; there are times when you follow a feeling, when you know in your heart that you can make a difference and you do it. Heart says "do it." Head says, "wait, are you sure?" Heart says, "all in good time." Head says, "fight the system."

When it's right, heart and head usually agree.

I don't generally change my mind. And mine is made up on this one. By any means necessary. I will call in the favors I need, I will ask -- on bended knee, if needed -- for help. I'm offering things I never thought I'd offer another person. I can only hope that when the time comes, the offer will be accepted. After all, there aren't many people I'd do absolutely anything for. What's a little money? What are a few possessions? For love and honor? A small price to pay. Dreams and the future, that's the priceless stuff.

It's the right thing to do. Seize the day. Live every moment. Yeah. Mikey's got the right idea.

This isn't about blind devotion or being taken advantage of. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it. This is probably the wrong forum to voice any of this. It doesn't matter.

What's important is doing the right thing. Following your heart, your conscience.

Most importantly, be there.
•••

The song is one of my favorites from Social D. For where I am, it's fitting. For who I'm thinking of ... it's true. Nothing else matters. That is correct.

Social Distortion ~ Untitled
I'm heading down a lonely highway
I'm running down a one-way street
I wanna know are you going my way
is there some place quiet where we can meet
and friends they come and friends they go
but you were always by my side
And where it all ends I don't know
Don't cry no more just hold on tight

There was a time when I was desperate
Living in a town without a name
And when things got so dark and desolate
You taught me how to hide my shame

And kings and queens and millionaires
May never know what I have known
And thank the stars I'm the lucky one,
Thanks for the lessons that I have been shown

I feel rich, I feel power, and security
and when I'm weak, you are strong
Once in a lifetime, twice in eternity
And guess what? Nothing else matters anyway

[guitar solo]

I feel rich, I feel power, and security
and when I'm weak, you are strong
Once in a lifetime, twice in eternity
And guess what? Nothing else matters anyway

P.S. For the record: Not moving, not quitting job, not breaking up with Scott, no one cheated on anyone, none of that shit. I just needed an outlet for some of the shit that's been rattling around my head for the past week or so, and this is what writers do, however poorly this came off. Whatever.

Catching up

It's been awhile since I've posted in either blog, so I guess it's time for an update.

Made the (last-minute) decision to go to the Fishbone show at the Bouquet last night, and I have to say, I'm glad I went. The whole evening was filled with funky, thumping music -- the only thing missing was the man, who has to get up at 6 to be at work. Went with a friend from work and we chilled and enjoyed all three bands.

Locals Kamphire Collective opened, and they were followed by Expendables from Santa Cruz -- they would be the very loud offspring of Sublime and Green Day if the bands mated. I was set to pick up a CD from one of the openers and then Fishbone played their set. Nevermind. Nothing against the other two bands, but Fishbone put on one of the best shows I've ever seen. High energy, great music, great lyrics. I just couldn't hear at the end of the night, which was OK.

I think I take music for granted. It's always there, I always want it to be there, but things like iTunes and my iPod make it so available. Seeing a live show reminds me why music is fun.

•••

Work is going OK as well. Still trying to get used to the schedule and have put in a request to move to a later start time. There's just too much I want to do in the evenings and having to be in bed by 8 or 9 really puts a damper on things. We'll see how that goes.

•••

Dog is shedding like a beast. I keep brushing and he keeps shedding. I know shibas are supposed to have a double coat, but I swear he's got 3 or 4 coats. The hair will not go away and he looks kinda mangy. Still cute, still a pain, but mangy. Poor pup. I'll eventually get him a page here as well so the world can experience his Roscoe-ness.

•••

Yeah, mindless drivel. Must be time to quit.

"I am Skynet"

That's what the shirt said. I don't know if it was Sharpie or some kind of Crayola iron-on. But there it was, right in front of us. And next to one that read "Matt Sabbath."

Two skinny hair-metal wannabes. They were underage, probably in high school. They thought they were cool. We thought they were dorks.

In all fairness, I wasn't the model of coolness in high school. But I wasn't a dork like this. And by "dork" I mean "whale penis" -- which is what the word means (really... I can't make up shit like that). And yes, this was an odd mix of music scenes -- those of us who were there to see Against Me! and those who were there to see Mastodon. The punk crowd and the metal crowd.

Against Me! put on a great show -- full of energy from the first note, and I knew most of the songs. I wish they had been the headliner. They opened with "Pints of Guiness Make You Strong" and that really set the tone. We were two tables from the rail, seated directly behind "I am Skynet" and his anti-heterosexual companions. We had a great view and really, it was one of the most energetic performances I've been able to watch.

What I didn't need was "Skynet" talking shit, or attempting to put down my band. He settled down after a bit. He put his head down on the table and sighed, waiting for his precious band to take the stage. He desperately wanted to speed up time. His bushy, dirty blond mop was straining to break free.... oh, to head bang... please, anything but this punk music!

Austin and I figured we'd give Mastodon a chance. I had heard a song or two of theirs, but really, it wasn't my scene. I saw the band I paid for and was content.

When Mastodon played, Skynet and Sabbath stood up, grabbed the railing and commenced head banging. Never mind the people behind them couldn't see. This was *their* moment. Dear god, nothing could be better than this. Who needs girls? They were *that* close to their idols.

Beavis & Butthead came to mind, except they were both Butthead. Skynet spun his hair around, pausing only to run a hand through his locks, dramatically, alluringly. Sabbath had no rhythm, and actually looked like he was humping the space between the table and the railing. They were a sight. These were the kinds of kids who probably had to endure swirlies and getting stuffed into lockers. I can't say it wouldn't be deserved.

Mastodon sounded good. Their bass player and singer was playing through two huge Mesa Boogie cabs, one of the guitarists was playing through a Mesa stack with a Marshall head. Other guitar player had two stacks that looked like vintage Mesas. Yeah, they were loud.

Then the P.A. went out.

We could still hear the instruments and some of the vocals through the monitors (that's how small the Big Easy is). Skynet and Sabbath were crushed. Someone had set up us the bomb! Move zig!

This happened for about 3 or 4 songs. The band kept playing; they didn't know there was an issue. Then one of the roadies told them between songs. They announced a 15 minute delay. Skynet and Sabbath were crushed. Noes! They can't do this to us! We have curfew!

Austin and I took the opportunity to head for the exit. We saw our band. Mastodon was good, but not our scene.

And really, with fans like Skynet and Sabbath, Mastodon was just fine without us...

Um, yeah...

Dear bitches,

You know who you are. And you know you can go fuck yourselves.

Juvenile? Junior high? Probably. But really, this is about as much effort as I'm willing to put into a response.

You really are lucky to rate this much.

Jen

P.S. It's your hell. You burn there. Better yet. Keep being yourselves. That's punishment enough.

They don't ...

.. fire you for missing work.

It's a novel concept. And they don't dock your pay for being sick or pull from your vacation hours because we're salaried -- with the ability to earn overtime.

I was astonished to find out that there are "attendance guidelines." There is no attendance plan. There are no points. You can have "an occurrence" but guess what? If I'm out sick for 15 consecutive days -- and I have a note from the doctor, or bring the doctor with me -- IT COUNTS AS ONE OCCURRENCE.

How fucking crazy is that?

/begin Leonidas moment

*Crazy?*
THIS IS X... Y... Z... INC!

/end Leonidas moment

Yeah.

My boss? He really, really dislikes HR conversations. He really dislikes firing people. It's really hard to get fired. In fact, he told me that the way he sees things, when you put someone on an "attendance plan" you might as well start walking them to the door.

Hmmm....

I think I like my boss. Not that I'm going to abuse the attendance plan. Why bother? I have vacation time. And can take sick days if needed.

So. After three days on the floor, I've come to realize the following:

1. Our customers are pretty good, especially the ones who have been in the service long enough to be promoted a few times.

2. Windows XP doesn't suck ... compared to a root canal

3. These calls are easy and I should have a handle time below 20 minutes most of the time

4. Better pay and benefits mean more than people think

5. Tomorrow is my Friday, we can wear jeans and I have a four-day weekend coming.

6. Overtime means Jen can get Macbook Pro sooner.

Ass-out tired

I'm a Monday-through-Friday drone now.

XYZ, Inc. is pretty good except for the fucked up hours -- I work from 5:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.

But I get benefits.
I have health insurance.
I get paid EARLY.
I trust our payroll department to do direct deposit.
I can make overtime.
There's lots of room for advancement.
With OT, I know I make more than certain other folks.

But really, the best thing is that I'm starting to be pretty decent at my job, and at XYZ, Inc., they reward you for doing good work.

I miss some of the people from Corporation X, but not many of them. Just like I know I'm missed by a few, but not many. Time and distance are an amazing measurement of friendship and loyalty.

Sure, it goes both ways, but true colors are true colors.

Anyway, I'm tired. I'm thrilled to be going to bed at around 8 each night.

Humans really aren't designed to wake up at 4 a.m. But I suspect if I keep working hard, I'll get a new schedule, some day.

Until then, we'll keep counting down to the weekend. It's nice to have those again.

Sick day

Sick day
Current mood: sick

I dislike being sick.

Part of it is knowing that it's out of my hands, part of it is knowing I should do more to stay healthy.

It felt like I was getting to the end of whatever *this* is... the coughing, runny nose, no voice bullshit I've had for what feels like forever.

And then, last night while we were driving back from Twin Falls, it started. Hot. Cold. Chills. Sweats. I just wanted to die. When we got back, I had Scott drop me off instead of heading to the ranch. I managed to get changed into my sleep clothes and collapsed into bed.

But instead of sleeping, I tossed and turned all night. Hot. Cold. Covers off, covers on. I think I was able to sleep for a solid hour. But after that, I was awake almost every 15 minutes. What made it worse is I was supposed to be at work at 4:45 in the a.m. Needless to say, when the alarm went off at 3:30, I hit snooze three times before calling the sick line. I tossed and turned some more before passing out until about noon.

I'm all for sending this cold, or whatever it is, someplace else. I'm done with it, I'm tired of feeling like this. If you know someone you'd like to get sick, let me know and I'll do what I can to infect them.

Until then, I'll be thinking healthy thoughts and doing what I can to get this crap outta my system.

Day 5, XYZ, Inc.

The Good:
Made it to the weekend. Listened to some calls. Met some other Mac Geeks.

The Bad:
Tired as all hell, still a little under the weather (fucking cough, please go away. really, go live somewhere else)

The Ugly:
Monday and Tuesday, I report to work at 4:45 a.m. Mandatory OT is mandatory when you're a government contractor. Gah.

But hey. I do get a weekend. It should be a decent one. I can sleep in... until like, 9... >_<

P.S. Was once again reminded why I'm glad I'm not at Corporation X. I'm probably going to have more co-workers joining us at XYZ, Inc. It'll be a frickin reunion.

Day 4, XYZ, Inc.

First day back after being sick.

Right off the bat, we get a quiz on material from the beginning of the week.

I missed two, which was better than one of the other guys who hasn't missed any time.

Then we moved on to taking practice calls. I knew how the beginning of my call was supposed to go. That part went great. Some of the stuff in the middle... definite room for improvement. But no dead air, no "um, ah, err" kinda shit. For not having taken a call with these tools, I rocked it.

Then we worked on our scripts. Nailed it. Time and again. With my voice dying. We took more practice calls from our instructor. A few minor hiccups, but still better than the boys.

We took lunch, then we took practice calls from the class next door. I took three. They tried to make each one harder than the last, but they couldn't shake me. They were impressed. We all did pretty good.

But I have something the other folks don't have: Training from The Mothership, and the knowledge of how to coach agents using the guidelines from The Mothership. Call flow? That's cake. It's Pavlovian, it's instinct. You hear the two tones and you're off and running.

So yeah, I'm liking the new job. It's stuff I can do. There's very little bullshit. And there's room for advancement. And the pay... my first check will speak for itself.

I know what went down at Corporation X today. It's unfortunate. But really, it's not that bad of a thing. People get new opportunities. Other people are exposed for what they are.

It all works out in the end.

It really does.

Day 2, XYZ, Inc.

I tried to keep my eyes open.

Between the agonizing, hacking coughs, I took notes and made myself focus. Databases. Checking customers. Domains. Searches. Got it.

Our instructor asked how I was doing.

"I'm dying," was my raspy reply.

"You know, we don't make you work sick here. We want you healthy, and your co-workers healthy," he said.

I pondered this.

"I wasn't sure what I could miss from training," I squeaked. "I didn't want to get behind."

"We'll get you caught up. If you can't make it tomorrow, call the sick line. Don't worry about it."

And with that, I was told I could leave at lunch -- which I did. I made it home around 11:15 and promptly crashed until about 3:45. And still felt miserable.

But I've thought about the prevailing culture at Corporation X. Don't get sick or you won't get paid. Don't get sick or you get fired if you miss too much work. If you do get sick, you better be here or there won't be anyone to close.

What a load of shit.

I'm fairly certain I've ended up with bronchitis. I wheeze when I breathe, the coughs come from deep in my chest. My throat doesn't hurt as much since I'm not oozing snot any longer. I have no voice, and know I shouldn't talk.

That's why it's an easy decision to spend tomorrow sleeping. Why make myself worse? Why continue to let the Corporation X mindset rule my work habits?

Granted, I had some kick-ass work habits and I have no doubt I will kick ass and take names at XYZ, Inc. But those habits are more of a product of The Mothership than Corp X. Maintaining the same high standards set by The Mothership will make the new job cake. We went over call flow briefly today and it's quite easy.

I mentioned today that I'd be interested in working four 10s... our instructor said that would make some folks happy. And as for OT, my gawd, if you want it, you can work it.

It will feel a little odd calling off in the morning, knowing that my decision won't be scrutinized or dissected. I'm not going to abuse it -- knowing I have 3 weeks of vacation ensures that. But really, how much does it really cost a company to pay employees while they're sick? A day's wages. And I know there are other costs -- how much that employee would've made the company for the day.

But really, when you're dealing with a multi-billion dollar corporation opposed to the ghettofabulousness of Corporation X, there's no comparison. One employee doesn't make as much of a difference when you have low turnover and low absenteeism. And in terms of inspiring loyalty... take care of your people, and they'll take care of you. That one employee will come back healthy and ready to work hard, not wanting to let down teammates or fail the project.

That's the lesson Corp X will never get. That's why it will continue on in mediocrity -- or worse -- as the good people, the nuclei, get fed up and find better jobs.

Day 1, XYZ, Inc.

Some key points from Day 1 of training:

- Our front desk has security guards
- EVERYONE badges in; no piggybacks
- I have a real badge that WORKS -- and a nifty PIN to get into the secure area of the building
- There is on-site food and a cafeteria
- There is a lounge for our project
- Our project makes TONS of money
- Our customers act in a professional manner 99% of the time
- I have benefits
- I have three weeks of PAID vacation (pro-rated, but still)
- I can be sick for a week and not get fired
- Being a student at ITT does NOT make you the smartest kid in the room
- Cash/other bonuses are paid for high performance
- Bonuses are paid in a very timely manner
- There is an entire department that makes sure we get paid correctly -- and on time
- Doing your job well will lead to promotion
- There is ACTUAL ROOM FOR ADVANCEMENT if you apply yourself
- We don't have a ghettofabulous parking lot
- I remembered way more about Active Directory, Domain Controllers and Windows NT 2000 than I should
- I can school ITT boy -- even with no voice and while coughing up big, green chunks of goo

•••

In other news....

- New Powerbook battery works like a charm
- Cassie is adjusting to her new home
- Roscoe is the slowest pooper ever
- Roscoe did a great job of keeping gophers away @ the old place; now there are two mounds
- My Betta, Pig, has now lived in four different locations and recently turned 2 (they're supposed to live 6 months...)
- Battery almost drained and ready for calibration
- Time for bed anyway!

And then...

... there were three. And a surprise fourth. And a late arrival.

One of the easiest moves ever, and one of my most difficult at the same time. Easy because damn near everything was in boxes, we had a great crew and just enough vehicles. Difficult because... shit happens that's out of your control. But that's been addressed, and I'm fairly certain things are OK. On my end, they feel like they are.

But, dog is settling in on the couch next to me, and I've got some more unwinding to do before I can pass out from exhaustion like I know I should.

Stupid video game. Stupid book.

Quickie

1. Should be asleep right now; must get up in a few hours
2. Life without Corporation X is nice. First week off flew by; last week went a little slower, but I'm under the gun now.
3. Moving
4. Coughing up huge chunks of green crap
5. Moving
6. Start new job Monday
7. Moving
8. Migraine
9. Moving
10. Huge thanks to everyone who's helping with the move: Scott, t4m1, J-Un1t, Kibbee, Steve and Tyler for use of the TikiTrailer. Oh, and hugs and kisses to Sue & Ken for saving my ass with TONS of boxes
11. Must admit, this move isn't as stressful as it could be. I THINK IT'S BECAUSE MOST OF MY SHIT IS STILL IN BOXES. *ahem* But yes, I have a ton o crap, and I have to say, I'm definitely looking forward to being able to sleep on the waterbed and listen to the Bose. It's been way too long.
12. Should be a better update once I've gotten settled and have started the new job. Or something. >_>
13. Fucking tired of being sick. And now the mosquitoes are back...
14. Moving
15. Sick
16. Sleep
17. Now
18. K
19. Thx
20. bye

Catching up

Things have been surprisingly quiet in this space recently. Didn't go on a killing spree, didn't get arrested. But let's cut to the chase.
•••
Dear Corporation X Bean-counter Payroll Maternal Fornicator,

I know you don't give two shits about who I am, or that I've left Corporation X. But I would like to bring a few matters to your attention.

During the last pay period, I worked 92.25 hours. For the one shift I had in the new pay period, I worked 8 hours. How the FUCK do you explain paying me 81.25 hours (or whateverthefuck it was... stub is in the car). You're supposed to know numbers. You should be concerned with accuracy. But no. Just had to try and fuck me over at the end and hope I didn't notice, right?

Fuck you. Pay me.

Speaking of accuracy. I was employed by your ghetto-ass excuse for a company since Jan. 30, 2006 to March 16, 2007. In all that time, not once have you managed to spell my name correctly on my paycheck. I have mentioned this to three trainers, three supervisors and our assistant project manager. I had mentioned this to HR as well, but we all know that's a fucking waste of time.

Honestly. My last name isn't that fucking difficult to spell. It's five motherfucking letters. You assholes got one of them wrong. What. The. Fuck. I know it's not the easiest to pronounce, but you never had to say my name when the computer printed the check. Stupid fucks.

I know the issue will be corrected; the Hardest Working Man at Corporation X is taking care of it. I have no idea what's going to happen when he leaves and you people continue running payroll with cranial-rectal inversions. I feel for the people left behind to deal with your rampant incompetence. But you will pay me. If I have to go to the state labor board, I will get my money.

Fuck you very much.

The number formerly known as 89628

P.S. This is the definition of incompetence.
•••
On a completely unrelated note, I got the top of my wrist tattooed -- the Apple has a friend. I will have to post pics when it's healed, since the seeping/oozing stage started pretty early on this one.

I will be delaying purchase of my Macbook Pro (which was going to happen anyway) to get my phoenix done on my left leg. Jon said it would take quite a bit of time and will be pretty expensive. But I'm excited and I know it will be worth it. It's only taken me 2+ years to decide to really do it. Yay!
•••
In addition to starting a new job, I'll be moving.

Granted, moving sucks, but it will be very worth it to get out of the hovel I've been in. Hospitality has been OK, but there comes a point where you just want things like the shower to work. Or the AC/heater to work.

New location puts me a few blocks from Scott's place. Rent is affordable, I have a ton of space and I know the roommate won't fuck me over like the last dipshit I rented from.

So yeah. I get to pack and sort. And I don't really feel all that overwhelmed this time.

I think it's because most of my shit is still in boxes.

P.S. Taking time off between jobs was the best idea ever. So was filing my taxes early enough so I could have the money to live on!

Geek lust

It started very innocently with the purchase of a CD.



That's Mike Relm. He's opening for Blue Man Group. Very cool shit. I didn't go to the show, but knew enough folks who went who said this dude was awesome. So I had to have the CD.

Then I ordered this, in anticipation of the new computer sometime this summer.



I'm a bit of a nut when it comes to bags. This thing is way bigger than I thought it would be. And it has a *padded* pouch for an iPod. And a little pouch below that for earbuds. Those wacky Brenthaven peeps. Ballistic nylon, an awesome pouch to keep the Powerbook (or Macbook Pro later) safe and sound. And I can remove the pouch and use it like a regular messenger bag. Which I'm going to do.

I don't think I need to show a pic of the iPod. At least I hope not.

But a new iPod means new earbuds. The red version of these caught my eye, but I got a great deal on this color:



Even though there is a recommended burn-in period, they sound pretty fucking outstanding. And by fucking outstanding, I mean I'm hearing things in songs I've listened to hundreds of times. It's really, really scary. The music is inside my head. Divine excrement, I'm turning into an earbud snob. And I think I like it.

As if that wasn't enough to drool over, I couldn't resist and bought this. No, I didn't finish the first one, gawd dammit....



Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to kill shit in my new game and then drown in a puddle of my own geek drool.

w00t!

GAH!

Dear Mr. Redneck Needle-dick Bug Fucker,

You might not think there's anything wrong with leaving your piece o shit truck running while you're at the gas station and fueling. You probably couldn't read the sign that said TURN MOTOR OFF, or the one that said NO SMOKING or the one that said NO CELL PHONES. You probably don't understand the technology that makes the phone ring, let alone how airplanes don't fall out of the sky.

Let me break it down:

FIRE BAD. FIRE VERY VERY BAD.

Now take your craptastic truck (with the plate that reads 1G 44026) and stay the fuck away from GAS STATIONS IN THE CITY.

Thank you.

T minus ...

Just four more days... didn't know if I'd make it this far.

This is one of those deals where I'm closing another chapter of my life. This was the job to get me back on my feet (again) and it did that ... sort of. And I'll be moving again, which I count as a very good thing.

All in all, feeling pretty decent about myself.

Spent some money this weekend -- got the new iPod, bought some CDs, paid some bills. It's a nice feeling, being able to take care of business and have a little money for fun. A novel concept; something I haven't felt for some time.

Should be an entertaining time at Corporation X.

Oh, and I want to see 300 sometime this week. So yeah. Call me or text me.

>_>
<_<

OK?

The Final Countdown

Dammit Max, that fucking song is stuck... bastard...

But hey, when I last joined y'all, I was in a pretty bitchy mood. I was convinced I'd be walking out on my job and cursing TDMH. I'll probably curse him still, but it's amazing what a difference a few days can make.

For starters, the Hardest Working Man at Corporation X won. Which means I win. Which means I can spend my final week helping out. Granted, I'm teamless, which makes me sad. And I'm bummed I won't have as much contact with someone who's become a beloved friend (proving once again I am capable of crying because of chat, dammit). But really, this is pretty close to going out on my terms.

Let the bitterness be gone.

Now the only test: How many agents can I QA in 40 hours? I predict a shit-ton. Like at least 10 per day, if not more. We're required to do 10 a week. Heh.
•••

I've got a few more reasons for my blissful mood. And believe me, Daylight Saving Time has *nothing* to do with it.

For starters, I actually have a little bit of financial stability. Both tax refunds hit Friday at midnight. We got paid Friday, and I got my referral bonus (take that you worthless whore!). And the referral bonus paid for... an 80 GB iPod! Yes, I know new ones are around the corner. Yes, I have the one from work. But you know, every once in awhile you need to do something for you. So I did.

It appears I'll be moving as well. Out of the hovel and into a place that's closer to Scott and should allow me to have (gasp!!) company over. I've been there once, but there was a beer pong table set up and I didn't really take too close of a look.

As if that stuff wasn't enough, I'm applying for a job I really don't think I'm going to get. But if I get it... holy shit. I don't like the term dream job, but really, I have 90% of what they're looking for and I can learn the rest. Or delegate. But I haven't even submitted my portfolio for that yet, so no need for excitement. Even if I don't get it, I've got a solid job waiting for me. And I count moving as a good thing.

And then there was Friday night, which was a hoot even if 1) the drive home was interesting and 2) I didn't feel human until about 3 p.m. today. Yeah. Corp X on a hangover. >_>

And then there's the usual Scott goodness. *sigh*

Let's hear it for free mental time. *rawrr*

Daylight Saving Time can eat a dick. I hate the fact the Powerbook clock went from 1:59 to 3 a.m. Fucking efficient Macs (damn Apple and their software updates!)

56 hours ...

and counting...

Or will it be less? That's still up in the air. However...

Things seem relatively stable for the remainder of this week. Officially, my team will be split and distributed between the other four teams. And through attrition, we really only have enough agents for four teams anyway. If I wasn't leaving, we'd be cutting a supervisor position and sending someone back to the phones.

Today's meeting was better than expected. It was long, I was tired and frankly, ready for anything. But after the venting I did in a blog last night, I felt a little better. Much less anger today, much less frustration.

But something still doesn't feel right.

The flight urge isn't as great. Maybe it's the 4.5 hours of sleep I got last night. The migraine is gone, which is great. It was a relief to wake up and find that gone.

Really, the only thing I can do is take things one day at a time. I seem to have lost sight of that, which is not so good on my part. Reckon I let anger cloud my judgment. But my head feels clear, there's more of a sense of stability, at least for this week. Next week, however...

So what does one do with a supervisor with no team at Corporation X? And really, why break up the team now? Why not wait until next week? Finally, why should I care?

1. Supposedly, a decision will be made next week about what to do with me. I have volunteered to QA until my last day, but I'm not holding out much hope of that happening. Chances are, I'll be directed back to the phones. Which means I'll continue bringing belongings home this week.

2. & 3. That wasn't my choice; I would have waited the week. I don't see a whole lot for me to help transition my agents into. They've switched teams before. Why the sudden concern? Then again...

4. I do care about my agents. I want them to succeed, I want them to enjoy their iJobs at Corporation X as much as they can. I can only do so much, but I can't *not* make the effort. If I really didn't care, I wouldn't have given the 2 weeks notice. I would have packed up my shit and left.

So being in limbo sucks. Dealing with TDMH sucks.

But hey. I've got two tax checks coming and we get paid on Friday. I really don't have much to worry about -- except boxing up my stuff and departing Corporation X.

horoscope

Almost forgot. This is from Tuesday.

Daily Horoscope by Astrology.com Tuesday March 6, 2007
Aquarius
Is it time to take your recent change in status public? Only you can decide if it's the right moment or not. Just remember: You're the one in the driver's seat. Rev it up or hit the brakes. It's your move.

Driver's seat. Heh.

I'll make my move. After you make yours.

89628

Hey, we're back to being a number again. And we're all about numbers, at this point.

T34m 1337 got a 16 for last week. Not bad. Overtime hours and service levels were the talk of the day, right behind the announcement that the hardest working man at Corporation X will be riding off into the sunset. But hey, everything happens for a reason, and his reasons are sound. Another atom, no, the nucleus, will be breaking free. Not for a few more weeks. But still.

Right now, 89628 has a gut feeling that things may not play out the "nice" way. But there's a back-up plan, as is always the case. Will 89628 depart Corporation X in roughly 64 hours (8 shifts!!) as planned, or will that number end up being quite a bit smaller?

The numbers know. They always know.

•••

A situation doesn't become favorable until you adapt to it.

Too true. Tough to find the favorable in today. The fight or flight instinct was in full force. The gut says leave, the mind says stay, do the right thing for your team. But really, what is the right thing? And the right thing for who?

The decision to leave is completely for me. It's about my financial survival and my plans for the future. It's about stability, paying off bills, getting my stuff out of storage and finding a decent place to live. It's about making what I'm worth. Yes, it's about money. It's about vacation time and benefits, getting my teeth fixed and new glasses.

The negative vibes are tough to fight. My instincts haven't let me down in a long time. I'm prepared for what's coming. The move has been telegraphed through inaction. Bring it on.

I'd write more, but the migraine hasn't gone away yet. Tomorrow is an early day, which means I get to leave early.

Sixty-four hours left of being 89628.

Sixty-four hours to freedom.

Or less. Who knows.

TDMH

Dear Corporation X Thumb-dick Monkey Humper,

Why don't you stop being a big, fat, blubbering vagina (a la Bill O'Reilly) and tell me what you really think? If you don't fucking want me to be there, knock off the passive-aggressive bullshit and ask me to go.

I have tried to do the right thing by giving my two weeks notice -- in a right-to-work state where I can quit as quickly as you could fire me -- because it's the right thing to do. I did it for my team, and for the person I work for. I didn't do it out of loyalty to you, because we know you don't deserve my loyalty, or that of any one else for that matter. I did it for my team, and to help train my replacement, which I guess won't be happening.

You think attrition sucks now? Force me out early and see what happens. There won't be any coercion on my part; agents aren't as dumb as you think. They see what's going on and will react accordingly. And whether you care or not, many of them will be leaving. Why? They hate your ass. And a surprising number of them are sorta fond of me.

What you fail to realize is that the meltdown is coming. We've reached critical mass. I'm getting out before the bomb goes off. I'm getting out before my reason for staying at Corporation X rides off into the sunset.

Now, I'm sure this sounds like sour grapes, and I'm sure this will hurt your feelings. But let's examine what you've done to inspire loyalty from your employees.

1. Through ineptitude with (gasp) interpersonal communication, you have alienated most, if not all, of your administrative staff. Many of us would rather talk to each other, or the one person above us who will listen, to resolve issues rather than going to you. You rule through intimidation and fear. You use public humiliation as a means to get your way, and seem to enjoy belittling your employees. You're a bully. Then again, why should we expect you to communicate with us, when you failed at communicating with your best friend -- who also happened to be your roommate?

2. You're out of touch. Maybe if you'd open your door and show some genuine concern for your agents and supervisors, you'd get better results. When was the last time you were out on the floor when it wasn't for show? And let's talk about you walking the floor last week in front of company. If that wasn't one of the more pathetic things ever. Maybe if we thought you were doing it because you cared we wouldn't ridicule you. Or not.

3. You play favorites. You've coached just about all of us about the importance of appearances and how we need to appear neutral. Yet you're the worst offender. You've got your little clique, your followers. I don't give a fuck if you're "really funny" outside of work and "not that bad" in a social setting. If I don't like working with you, why the fuck would I want to take the time to know you socially? We're not even going to get into who/what you've supposedly fucked. I'd rather not vomit all over the Powerbook.

4. You're passive aggressive. Yes, I touched on this in my opening, but it bears repeating. You can't be an effective leader if you make us play guessing games. You act like you're all powerful and control our futures. But really. I heard what you make a year, and on that salary, you've got no right to swagger around the way you do. Not when you're so flawed as a leader. Honesty works with most of us. You should try it some time.

Certainly, this list could go on, but why belabor the point? Gawd knows it would just make you cry.

We're not without loyalty, just not toward you. The person we're loyal to is the buffer between us and you. He's the guy who must make about $5/hour because of all the time he spends at work, and all the time he spends at home working. He's the guy who's always been honest and up front with us, the guy who works his ass off and gets nothing in return. He's our nucleus. He's the reason why I've stayed for as long as I have. You, on the other hand, are the reason I can't stay.

Your actions, or lack thereof, make it very difficult for me to continue doing the right thing. My gut says you're going to insist on being a dipshit and put me back on the phones for my remaining time at Corporation X, which is not acceptable. I'm not there to help you make numbers so you look good for the client. I'm not there to be your bitch.

I don't like the idea of splitting up my team, but really, they're at your mercy at this point. It would have been nice to train someone to lead them after I'm gone, but oh well.

So we'll see what our noon meeting brings. I'm sure you've got some interesting things to discuss with us.

I guarantee that I'll still go out on my terms. That's the one thing you won't win at. I either go out on a high note, attempting to keep things classy, or I'll go out and everyone will see you for the cocksucker you are. It's your choice. You do still have an amazing amount of control in all of this. I just don't have faith in you to do the right thing.

I'm ready for a fight. Are you?

Signed,
89628

P.S. You'll get your iPod back. I want no ties to you, and refuse to be beholden to you in any way, shape or form. I'd shove that $300 technological marvel up your ass, but there's no room -- thanks to the roll of quarters you carry in your rectum.

P.P.S. When I begin my job at XYZ Inc., I will make a little less than you. Within 6 months, I'm confident I'll make more than you and will have the pleasure of not dealing with you. Now go off to your corner and cry.