"I am Skynet"

That's what the shirt said. I don't know if it was Sharpie or some kind of Crayola iron-on. But there it was, right in front of us. And next to one that read "Matt Sabbath."

Two skinny hair-metal wannabes. They were underage, probably in high school. They thought they were cool. We thought they were dorks.

In all fairness, I wasn't the model of coolness in high school. But I wasn't a dork like this. And by "dork" I mean "whale penis" -- which is what the word means (really... I can't make up shit like that). And yes, this was an odd mix of music scenes -- those of us who were there to see Against Me! and those who were there to see Mastodon. The punk crowd and the metal crowd.

Against Me! put on a great show -- full of energy from the first note, and I knew most of the songs. I wish they had been the headliner. They opened with "Pints of Guiness Make You Strong" and that really set the tone. We were two tables from the rail, seated directly behind "I am Skynet" and his anti-heterosexual companions. We had a great view and really, it was one of the most energetic performances I've been able to watch.

What I didn't need was "Skynet" talking shit, or attempting to put down my band. He settled down after a bit. He put his head down on the table and sighed, waiting for his precious band to take the stage. He desperately wanted to speed up time. His bushy, dirty blond mop was straining to break free.... oh, to head bang... please, anything but this punk music!

Austin and I figured we'd give Mastodon a chance. I had heard a song or two of theirs, but really, it wasn't my scene. I saw the band I paid for and was content.

When Mastodon played, Skynet and Sabbath stood up, grabbed the railing and commenced head banging. Never mind the people behind them couldn't see. This was *their* moment. Dear god, nothing could be better than this. Who needs girls? They were *that* close to their idols.

Beavis & Butthead came to mind, except they were both Butthead. Skynet spun his hair around, pausing only to run a hand through his locks, dramatically, alluringly. Sabbath had no rhythm, and actually looked like he was humping the space between the table and the railing. They were a sight. These were the kinds of kids who probably had to endure swirlies and getting stuffed into lockers. I can't say it wouldn't be deserved.

Mastodon sounded good. Their bass player and singer was playing through two huge Mesa Boogie cabs, one of the guitarists was playing through a Mesa stack with a Marshall head. Other guitar player had two stacks that looked like vintage Mesas. Yeah, they were loud.

Then the P.A. went out.

We could still hear the instruments and some of the vocals through the monitors (that's how small the Big Easy is). Skynet and Sabbath were crushed. Someone had set up us the bomb! Move zig!

This happened for about 3 or 4 songs. The band kept playing; they didn't know there was an issue. Then one of the roadies told them between songs. They announced a 15 minute delay. Skynet and Sabbath were crushed. Noes! They can't do this to us! We have curfew!

Austin and I took the opportunity to head for the exit. We saw our band. Mastodon was good, but not our scene.

And really, with fans like Skynet and Sabbath, Mastodon was just fine without us...