Two down...

Yesterday marked another minor milestone. How significant can it be if I didn't remember until today?

So I've been divorced for two months and a day now. The scariest thing is, I don't remember what it's like to be married. Seriously.

I'm pretty good about remembering dates. I know my wedding anniversary, the first time the (now) ex and I ever went out. I know the birthdays in my family. Heck, I know a "new" birthday. I know the day the ex said he wanted to leave. And I know the day the divorce paperwork was finalized. For those last two, I guess I'm not giving them as much importance any more. I may have stumbled upon the reasons why.

Time has a way of dulling feelings. Memories fade. The love and friendship I once felt for the ex has been replaced by indifference. I don't necessarily wish him ill, but a person reaches a certain point when they realize it's just not worth the effort. Good relationships require a give and take. A lot what I'm feeling stems from the fact he can't even be courteous enough to respond to e-mails or phone calls. I think it's been a month since I've heard from him. And that's fine. If he can't make good on certain promises, well, I'm not the one who has to live with that. I don't make promises I can't, or don't intend, to keep.

The other part to all this is the fact I've moved on and found someone else. Or rather, we found each other. It's been too long since I've been this happy, that I've had feelings like this for another person. There's something to be said for sitting back and letting things happen. That's not to say I wasn't actively pursuing him, it's just it was with more of a "let's see what happens" mentality. And it's been great. Really, it amazes me I was married. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet things exploded in June. And here I am, happier than I've been in a very long time.

Whatever happens, happens. No weird expectations, nothing like that. It's the most "adult" I've felt in all of the relationships I've had. Then again, I've been though a lot. That's part of what makes this feel so nice. The other part is being with someone who cares about me, who appreciates me. Who, I think, understands that I might not completely have my shit together all the time. After the ex dropped the bomb, there is no way I thought I'd be in the position I'm in right now. I've got a job I'm relatively happy with, I'm moving and I have a social life. It's all pretty amazing, really. Then again, so is this man I've fallen for.