So what do you call it?

Fate. Destiny. Serendipity. Can you — should you — put a label on good fortune? And while you're at it, let's discover the secrets of the universe and how to live forever…

I should know better than to try and philosophize like this at this hour. Oddly, this is the time when I think of this sort of wacky stuff. So here goes.

Definitions from dictionary.com

Main Entry: butterfly effect
Function: noun
Definition: a chaotic effect created by something seemingly insignificant, the phenomenon whereby a small change in one part of a complex system can have a large effect somewhere else
Etymology: from the beating of a butterfly's wings in one place causing a tornado in another part of the world

butterfly effect
n: the phenomenon whereby a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere, e.g., a butterfly flapping its wings in Rio de Janeiro might change the weather in Chicago

I've mentioned this before in terms of the extraordinary set of events that brought the ex and me together. Someone he used to work with in Indiana got a job in Monterey. He thought of the ex when there was a job opening. The ex goes to Monterey in 1998, where I'd been working since 1997 because of a job app I had on file at the Mercury News that they forwarded. One day, we start talking about video games and swap AOL screen names. We chat online. We eventually go out for drinks. We're both unhappy in our current relationships, we hook up. We plan on getting married, I get cold-called for the job up here, and we move in 2000. I get laid off in 2002, start working at the game store at the mall. He's still there at the paper, having risen to a job of some importance, and eventually meets the Whiskey Tango queen. The mall job leads to the job at the Post in June 2003. I meet many people working there, including the man I'm in love with right now. June 2004 rolls around, shit hits the fan and I'm divorced in August. Once again, thanks to the magic of e-mail, I'm able to let people know what I'm going through and I get through the crisis a better person. And without going into too much detail (since my limited audience knows the details), here I am today, happier than I've been in a long time, feeling better about myself — physically, mentally, emotionally — than I can recall. Yeah, you could follow this through even further back than where I started; I picked the starting point out of convenience. It's certainly an interesting concept. Jen's scale of belief: 4 out of 5.

Main Entry: chaos theory
Function: noun
Definition: the study of unpredictable and complex dynamic systems that are highly sensitive to small changes in external conditions

This is where the butterfly effect comes from. On a simplistic level, you could argue it's the same thing as the butterfly effect. But if I recall, with chaos theory, the outcome is never the same. The possibilities are even more open than with the butterfly effect. I didn't take enough philosophy in school to properly explain this one. It's mostly here for reference.

des·ti·ny (dst-n)
n. pl. des·ti·nies
1. The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot.
2. A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control: “Marriage and hanging go by destiny” (Robert Burton).
3. The power or agency thought to predetermine events: Destiny brought them together.

My first exposure to this word was in the third grade when we were studying history. "Manifest Destiny" — 19th century American expansionist doctrine that basically said it was god's will to explore and imperialize North America. That it was the duty of Americans to go forth and claim whatever they could because god said so. Even back then, I had problems with that. I wondered, "what about the Indians?" Heh, what about them? If it's god's will, who's to argue? Destiny? Predetermination? Eh, no thanks.

If where I am now is destiny, wouldn't there have been a more efficient way to get there? Something with less soul-sucking pain, angst and anguish? If someone really did map this out, they need to be shot — or congratulated — for making my "path" so fucked up and convoluted. Oh, it's a test? Riiiiiiiight. My answer to that? Blasphemous Rumors by Depeche Mode:

I don't want to start
Any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's
Got a sick sense of humour
And when I die
I expect to find Him laughing.

Jen's scale of belief: 1 (eh... .5) out of 5

fate
n.
1. a. The supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events.
b. The inevitable events predestined by this force.
2. A final result or consequence; an outcome.
3. Unfavorable destiny; doom.
4. Fates Greek & Roman Mythology. The three goddesses, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, who control human destiny. Used with the.

Again, another supporting entry. Fate and destiny are interchangeable in my book. .5 out of 5. Bite me.

luck
n.
1. The chance happening of fortunate or adverse events; fortune: They met one day out of pure luck.
2. Good fortune or prosperity; success: We wish you luck.
3. One's personal fate or lot: It was just my luck to win a trip I couldn't take.

This is an interesting one. I believe you make your own luck. After I totaled the motorcycle, people said, "oh, you were so lucky you weren't seriously hurt." My answer was no, I was prepared. I made my own luck. I decided to ride with full gear all the time — helmet, gloves, jeans, boots, jacket. Did they save my bacon? Oh hell yeah. No denying that. The fact I crashed the bike, that was bad luck. I guess I'm really torn on this one. You make good luck; bad luck just happens? Hmmm... Either way you look at it, I'm a firm believer in being accountable, in taking responsibility for your actions. If you do everything in your power to prepare for an event, then it's not luck if you succeed. Was I lucky to get my current job? Sure. I was lucky ther was an opening. But my preparations, my resume and talents got me the job. There was very little luck in getting hired; I have the tools to succeed. Pretty cut and dried, at least to me. 2 out of 5.

ser·en·dip·i·ty
n. pl. ser·en·dip·i·ties
1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.
2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.
3. An instance of making such a discovery.

This one appeals to me. Sensing a trend here perhaps? I've always liked this idea. My dating "philosophy" used to be that if you're not looking for it, you'll find it. I'm not sure how much I believe this any more. With the ex, I wasn't looking when I found him. After the divorce, I was looking but I wasn't sure what I wanted. I thought I just needed something physical. Or as Lyle Lovett put it in "Here I Am" (some of my favorite lyrics of all time):

Given that true intellectual and emotional compatability
Are at the very least difficult
If not impossible to come by
We could always opt for the more temporal gratification
Of sheer physical attraction
That wouldn't make you a shallow person
Would it?

Maybe in July and into August, all I wanted was something physical. September and October ... we'll use a metaphor. It's like climbing a hill. You've been climbing, trying to imagine what you'll see when you get to the top. You might even have a preconceived notion of what you'll find. But you get there, and you take in the view … and you remember seeing something like it once before, but it's a faint memory. This is different. You're not really sure what you should do. So you step back and take it in. Your heart says one thing. And your mind, well, it eventually agrees with your heart. Does that make sense? Who the hell knows. I think it read well. Maybe.

Anyway, serendipity is about finding something unexpected when you're looking for something else. Yeah, I'm babbling because I'm getting tired. But as it applies to me, and my god I need an editor since it took all of those other words to bring me to this point: I went looking for friendship and found love. Yes, I love my friends; not what I meant, dammit. Sheesh. Feeling way too goofy at the moment … anyway. 4 out of 5

To wrap this up: I don't have the answers. I do believe things happen for a reason, but I don't think that's necessarily fate or destiny. Fate and destiny don't take emotions into account very well. Fate and destiny don't take into account the fact the outcome can be changed. What happens if one Saturday night in September, I go out with a co-worker instead of the way things worked out? (never been so glad to have someone flake on me in my life.) Oh, that would've been part of the plan that someone had for me. Bullshit. Life is about variables. It's about opportunities and making something out of them. It wasn't fate that helped me win scholarships; it was hard work and my abilities. It wasn't fate that brought me to Idaho; it was a pay check and a chance to get some management experience. And it's not even about being a control freak; it's about being accountable.

So in Jen's world: butterfly effect and serendipity, good. Fate and destiny, bad. Yeah, it would've been easier to just say that. But it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun. So there.