Out of sight, out of mind

You know, that's not always the case. And I can prove it.

The counter argument to "out of sight, out of mind" is "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Our heroine hasn't seen her special guy for … holy shit, two weeks now. Under the "out of sight, out of mind" school of thought, she wouldn't think about him since she hasn't seen him. She'd just go about her business and not really feel like she's missing out. Eh. Fuck that; clearly, that isn't the case.

The whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" school of thought falls more in line with my whole thing of enjoying the good times and using them to tide you over until you can make new good times. Yes, it's simplistic, but some of the best things for me have been the least complicated. Gratitude is underused and under appreciated these days. For a person to really appreciate something deeply, I really think you have to had lost something. People who have near-death experiences often enjoy life more and go at things with zest and gusto. Having been in love and lost love, I definitely appreciate what I have. "Appreciate" really sounds like an understatement, but I can't think of another word.

And it's not a matter of pining away or moping because you can't be together. Or being depressed because plans fall through. It feels great knowing that there is exactly one other person in the world who loves me as much as I love him, that thinking about him makes me incredibly happy. That talking to him can turn my day around. I like the way that feels. I can carry those thoughts and feelings with me anywhere. I'll just smile for what appears to be no reason — in the car, at work, wherever. Well, the reason is because I've remembered something funny or cute or *rawrrr* about my guy. Of course I'd like to be with him; frankly, I'd like to kidnap him for an extended period of time. In lieu of that, I have some pretty fond memories to draw on. Heh.

After being cautious in the beginning, it's all so exciting now. Life is too short not to take chances. I'm glad I wasn't a chickenshit and followed through with that. It was a big jump, especially when I think of where I've been the past four months, but I'm glad I followed my heart. Can't follow my head all the time; I do that often enough. Once again with the triteness, but I've rediscovered what it's like to be passionate. It feels good to feel like I'm "me" again. I don't have to be someone I'm not — personally or professionally. I just am. That's some good shit right there.

To play devil's advocate, it sounds like some weird dependency deal. Wrong. There was dependency when I was with the ex. I wanted to win his approval, I wanted to impress him, I wanted to be with him all the time, I needed him to be around to feel happy. Having someone you feel all that stuff for tell you they don't love you any more, well it kills A LOT. You re-learn independence. You vow that you'll be more in control, more cautious. Oh yeah, you're still wanting to win approval, but it's a little different now. I'm not sure if I can explain this properly. It's part of that whole "hooking up" process; if you can find someone who really, truly accepts you for who you are, then you've won the approval you've been seeking. They want to be with you because you're you, and there's really no greater compliment you could ask for.

I guess in the end, it comes down to desire. You could argue being away from the ex would make me fonder of him. Well, it doesn't apply to people you'd want to hit in the face with a shovel. There is no desire to see him, really, very little in the way of feelings — except for negative ones. Remember, the key word is "fonder." So using the ex as an example served no purpose except to acknowledge that some form of bodily harm would be amusing. And all that does is take time away from me thinking happy thoughts about my special guy. And there's never too much of that.

Time for sleep I suppose.