Perspective yet again

Taking time to assess where I am and where I'm headed.

I'm not going to take a lot of time to rehash past events. If you've found this space, you know the situation. What very few people know is how fabulous the personal life has become in the last month or so. And it's happened in a nice, leisurely manner with no pressure or expectations — something of a departure for little old impulsive me.

The dilemma is this: I know how I feel. I know why I feel this way — it's physical, emotional, it's for all the right reasons. There's the small matter of timing.

Very early on in my recovery process, I made the decision that life is too short not to take chances and that when presented with the opportunity, I'd "go for it." I've done that to a certain extent. But now that I've developed some very strong feelings, I don't know when I should say something about it. Yes, there's fear of rejection. I think that's something that always will be there for me. The other dilemma is that I don't want to repeat past mistakes by letting my emotions take control. I don't think I've done that; the fact I'm hesitant proves that I think. I don't want to be like the ex — going from one relationship right into another and doing the love at first sight/true love thing. That fades. It always does. I want something more concrete. I want something with a strong foundation. I thought I had that with him, but I was wrong. The fact he left and fell in love so quickly proves that.

There's a lot more too this, but I'm pretty freakin tired right now and need to get to sleep. I had a pretty long day today. Not that it was a bad thing getting up early, mind you …