What. The. Fuck.

So I get an e-mail from Capt. Asshole today.

BTW, what’s up with the divorce?

I haven’t replied yet, mostly because the reply would go something like this:

“What the fuck do you think is up with the divorce? It’s fucking done. It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? Did you really expect me to go out of my way and let you know when it was done? Wasn’t it enough that I filed the fucking paperwork because you were too goddamned busy to do it yourself? I didn’t fucking want this. You get your fucking way, and expect a motherfucking announcement from me? Fuck you. Yeah, I finally said it. Fuck you for this. Fuck you for everything, you lying, cheating, chickenshit excuse for a man. And I will be angry. You’re in no position to judge me or tell me how to feel. Fuck no.

“So it should be pretty clear by now why I didn’t tell you the second I got the paperwork. You and that bitch are the only ones who are happy about this. Wait. Let me amend that. I’m happy about it now, especially since I realized what a fucking asshole you are and how stupid you are for leaving me. I know I have a lot to offer. If you’re too fucking stupid to see that, then it’s your loss. This could’ve lasted forever (marriage vows anyone?), but you were too fucking chicken to try and fix it, to fix yourself. That’s the problem. It wasn’t us. It’s you, god dammit. And when your “relationship” with her is over, don’t think for a second I’ll welcome you back with open arms. I might be there to listen when you need a friend. Unlike you, I don’t fucking desert my friends. I don’t turn people away because of things like money. Maybe that makes me stupid, but there’s a little something called loyalty that is a big part of my make up. You might need to get a dictionary and look it up since you have no concept of what this means.

“Funny how you thought I was the one who would never understand. Clearly, you’re the one without a clue. You still don’t get it. And until you do, you’re doomed to fail at relationships. I would’ve given you a chance. Fuck that now. Fuck you, you shallow, pathetic, selfish little boy. Fuck you for all of this. But most of all, fuck you for hurting me. Sorry doesn’t cut it any more. Asshole.”

---

Needless to say, my reply will be something like: “It’s done. What did you think was up with it?”

I swear to fucking god, there are days when taking the high road sucks...