When?

I’ve said in the past that you can’t wake up one day and feel different, that any significant change takes time. I think I was in denial when I said that.

My moments don’t come when I wake up; I’m not ever that coherent, especially if I’m waking up, say, at 10 a.m. These moments seem to come to me when I’m doing something else and my mind wanders. You fall into a familiar thought pattern and then suddenly you realize that you don’t feel that way any more. I’ve had a few of those moments recently.

One of those involved the ex, and my realization that while things he does infuriate me, I couldn’t give a shit for the most part. I’m ready to get my shit in gear, and to hell with him. There’s a fine line between indifference and just letting things roll like water off a duck. I’d still like to digest things, but let them slide right off, if that makes any sense.

Another of those moments was when I realized a relationship could be good for me for something besides the physical stuff. Yeah sure, that would be nice, but the whole companionship/someone to do stuff with aspect really appeals to me right now. I’m not in any rush, I’m really not. Well, I keep telling myself that at least. I guess I’m looking to make some kind of connection somewhere. I don’t know. I guess I’m still sorting that stuff out. At this hour, who the hell knows.

Work was OK tonight. We were pretty busy, so not a whole lot of time for goofing off. Especially when we found out just about all of the pages we sent to film had to be re-sent. And this was after the pre-start on the press. That was a fucking joy. Didn’t get out of there until close to 1:30.

On top of that, I was completely wiped out. Caffeine didn’t help me a whole lot, which is a shame because I had enough of it, dammit.

Anyway, should head to sleep, or at least give it a try.