Paid to work

Another dispatch from Corporation X...

We have an incredibly high absenteeism rate. It's part of the call center culture. But it's highly distressing to our client -- so much so, that they've instituted incentives to get folks to come to work.

First off, there's the unlimited OT. They want bodies in the seats. I don't blame them. We've been slammed for months and it's good for our agents to get a little bit of time between calls. Not too much, but just enough so they can catch their breath.

You'd think that paying the OT would be enough. But of course, it's not. It's a very simple job -- you come to work, you take some calls, you go home. It's not rocket science and it's not digging ditches. And I can empathize with the motivational drought. I was there. I hated going to work and did what I could to avoid being there. I got put on an attendance plan and was in danger of losing my job. But when those checks started getting to be tiny, I pulled my head out, started making work fun for me and all was good.

Even when shit was so bad that there were three of us closing the queues at night, we came to work and we got shit done. There were no extra incentives, no bonuses. Very few thank-yous.

Anyway. Fast-forward to now, when the client is freaking out and is willing to do just about anything to get agents in there. As a result, we have 3 different ways to win an iPod, cash incentives for performance, a performance-based raise and a contest we rolled out this weekend.

This contest is pretty cool. The pot started with $200 at 8 a.m. A name was drawn, and if the winner was present, they got the money. If not, the pot grew by $25 every hour. The catch was that you had to be working -- not on break, not on an unapproved break or on lunch. One of the n00bs on my team won $325, another gal won $175. Pretty simple, right?

No.

When someone offers you something above and beyond what you normally get, don't bitch about it. Don't tell me how it's unfair you weren't eligible for another incentive program, so you don't care about THE ONE THAT PUTS FREE MONEY ON YOUR PAY CHECK. I guess some people ARE as stupid as they look. Don't complain about how it's not fair you can't win if you're at lunch. Or how you should be able to win, even if your break isn't approved. Shut the fuck up. Seriously.

There was one complaint today that made sense. Chris said he was against the contest because people are paid to be there already. It's a job, you're supposed to show up, plain and simple. I agree. And yet, I found myself rationalizing the reasons why these dipshits need the incentive.

We all know Corp X doesn't pay us shit. The way I see it, if my agents can get some free cash for doing their job, then let them have it. Do I want to see some loud-mouthed loser with a false sense of entitlement win? Hell no. I want my people to be rewarded because most of them -- not all of them -- work hard, do a good job and deserve it.

But really. To bitch about free money. So if you're walking down the street and someone hands you $200, are you going to complain because they're giving you 2 $100 bills instead of a handful of 20s? I mean really. Gratitude, look it up.

Be thankful you have a job. Be thankful you work inside. Be thankful the work is fairly easy. So you get a shitty customer every now and again. They're just customers. Seriously. You'll never meet them in real life. Be polite and professional and move on to the next call.

And above all, show a little gratitude. It's only slightly more difficult than showing up to work as scheduled and doing your job.