An open letter

To the drunk chick with the big tits at the Reef on Thursday....

Dear Drunk Girl With Big Tits (DGWBT),

I know you thought you were really cute when you were dancing in front of the old guy playing guitar. In fact, I'm sure you thought you were really sexy, wiggling your ass and bouncing up and down so your tits flopped all over. However, there are a few things to consider.

1. The too short, too tight shirt really didn't do anything for me. I don't care about your gazongas, nor do I need to see your stomach or your asshat (aka the tattoo above your ass).

2. Yelling and whooping while an old guy plays acoustic guitar reeks of desperation. I think he enjoyed the show you gave him, but he really just wanted to finish his set.

3. Hugging on every guy who comes up the stairs doesn't make you popular. It means you're drunk and will likely fuck anything with a penis. No, this doesn't rule out non-humans.

4. You might be a nice person sober, but while intoxicated, you're nothing but an embarrassment. If you can't hold your liquor -- and that includes being able to hold the glass without spilling -- you need to curb your intake until you learn some control. Oh, but wait. You won't be popular unless you're drinking. My bad.

5. If you want to dance and wiggle for drunks, why not try one of Boise's finer establishments? I hear the Torch 2 is hiring. You'd be a perfect fit.

Thanks!
No. 89628