Numbered days

This may come as a shock to a lot of you.

For the past 34 years, I've been wrong about the person I think I am. You guys know me as Jen. You know me in real life, or we've gamed online or I met you through myspace. We talk every day, in person or online... Yeah. Wow. This is kinda rough.

Fine. I'll just come out and say it.

I'm not Jen. I'm not the name that appears on my birth certificate. I'm 89628.

I work for Corporation X. I supervise 15 other numbers. I don't know their numbers because the computer keeps track of that. But I track their numbers, correct them when their numbers are yellow or red. I return them from break or lunch when their numbers turn orange. I decide when they take break or lunch based on how many other numbers are gone. I track numbers, with the other numbers for Corp X, so we can keep other numbers in the black, because red numbers are bad.

I gather my numbers, when the Big Number Watchers say other numbers are low enough, and discuss their numbers and how they can make them better. Low numbers good in this column, high numbers good in that column. But in several weeks of supervising numbers, I've only been able to meet with them once. That could be why their numbers aren't as good as some of the other numbers' numbers. It adds up if you think about it.

Several of Corp X's administrative functions are in Salt Lake City. A high percentage of numbers there give a percentage of their monetary numbers to a tax-exempt religious entity. I think the more you give, the better number you are. You'll get more in the end and you'll go to a much better place than the people who didn't share their monetary numbers.

Today was my real awakening as a number. Today, I learned that when our numbers turn yellow or red, you have to jump up and find out why and make sure they don't go red or yellow. I was OK with that.... I'm in a position to help the numbers be ... better numbers.

But Corp X... something happened to my monetary numbers. Instead of the expected compensation, it was $21.20 for two weeks' worth of work. I think it's because a Corp X human made a mistake. I mean, a person? Why aren't there computers doing this work? I mean, the human would have clearly seen the forms and paper work my boss submitted -- as he does every pay period -- to pay me my correct wage.

Then again, it's because to that corporate payroll lackey, I'm a number on a spread sheet. The fact that 89628 worked 89 hours on the last pay period... yeah, that adds up to twenty-one fucking dollars and twenty cents. That fucking adds up, right? It's just 89628. It's not my paycheck, says the bean counter. I get my money, I give to the church and I've got my spot in heaven. And if I fuck up, there's church on Sunday to wash away anything that's gone wrong. I'm good. It's payday. Let's load up the Hummer and take the kids to the Wal-Mart.

Fuck being a number. Fuck taking away humanity. I'm thankful my bosses and co-workers are human. I'm thankful they're able to help tide me over until the corrected check shows up.

And by the way: I refuse to treat the people on my team as numbers. They're people with lives and talents who deserve coaching and interaction. I want them to do well, I want them to have the tools they need to do their jobs. Then the numbers will take care of themselves.

But hey, incompetent mega-corp wannabe: Real businesses take care of their people. Real businesses PAY their people on fucking time. Real businesses hold people accountable. Smart businesses value the employee, the people who are out there helping your sorry corporate ass rake in the cash.

You'll never figure that out. That's why you'll always be ghetto performance.