If I had a boat

I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

If I were Roy Rogers
I'd sure enough be single
I couldn't bring myself to marrying old Dale
It'd just be me and Trigger
We'd go riding through them movies
Then we'd buy a boat and on the sea we'd sail

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

The mystery masked man was smart
He got himself a Tonto
'Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free
But Tonto he was smarter
And one day said kemo sabe
Kiss my ass I bought a boat
I'm going out to sea

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

And if I were like lightning
I wouldn't need no sneakers
I'd come and go wherever I would please
And I'd scare 'em by the shade tree
And I'd scare 'em by the light pole
But I would not scare my pony on my boat out on the sea

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean
Me upon my pony on my boat

That's one of my favorite Lyle Lovett songs. That one and "Penguins" are pretty close to the top of the list. And one of these days, I'm gonna learn how to play that song.

That day is closer than it ever was.

Right now, the fingers on my left hand are killing me. The tips are numb and it hurts to type a little bit. I've been dinking around on the guitar I'm buying from Mikey, and I have to say, it's one of the best things I've decided to do.

I can't play any songs right now... can't practice chords too well since it's only got five strings because I need a peg so we can string the 6th one. But Scott cleaned it and got it strung tonight and just dinking around is way more satisfying than I thought it'd be. I plucked out the beginning to "Louie Louie." I've been looking at the book Scott loaned to me and checking out tabs to songs I like, courtesy of teh intarweb. I found the tab for the Lyle Lovett song I quoted. I'm not there yet, but it's something to aim for.

The thing I keep thinking is, "what took you so long?" That's the question I ask myself about a lot of things.

I don't want to believe I wasn't free when I was married. But I swear to dog, since the divorce, I've been doing shit I should've done in college. Started listening to punk. Bought a skateboard. Got a faux-hawk. Got an airsoft gun. Got a guitar.

It's not so much a matter of freedom; it's a matter of getting to know myself. And not giving a shit what people think.

Music's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Growing up, mom played a lot of different stuff -- John Denver, Stevie Wonder, the Beatles, Steely Dan, James Taylor, the Temptations... all kinds of different styles and artists. In the 4th grade, I got into band and started playing flute. The summer between 7th and 8th grade, I taught myself to play trumpet -- and was good enough to be third chair (out of three!) in jazz band. I also took up piccolo my 8th grade year and had that bitch of a solo in "Stars and Stripes Forever." There's no fucking way I could play that now.

High school meant jazz band, concert band and marching band. Somewhere in there, I taught myself how to play alto sax -- fingerings were nearly identical to flute. So at one point, I knew how to play four or five different instruments. I wasn't great; I could play in tune and knew my part. But I couldn't solo, didn't want to solo.

During my one semester at University of Arizona, I was in the marching band there and was one of three tenor saxes. That was great fun. Stayed out of music in JC but joined the marching band at SJSU. Did pep band too. Got to march at USC, Stanford... pretty cool shit. That was the last time I did anything formal with music.

Tonight, in looking at tabs with guitar in hand... it all started coming back to me. I can hear things but I can't make it happen yet. I don't know the instrument. But I'm gonna learn. That's for damn sure.

This really isn't about a "new me." I've always been there. It's a matter of freeing myself from the bullshit. So far, it's been a lot of fun.