Excuse me?

Dear Corporation X Busybody,

You are not my mom. I don't need you telling me how to do my job. Not when you lack the technical aptitude to operate something as simple as, say, a pot holder.

Don't try to herd me into meetings, don't tell me to hurry up. Don't tell me how to do my job. Not when my agents like me and yours ... well, let's say they'd rather be on anyone's team but yours.

Don't give me pieces of paper with incorrect information. And then don't bring more pieces of paper that are STILL wrong. I can track my own data without your fucking help. I don't need a goddamned spreadsheet to tell me what I need to do. I won't go into "crisis mode" just because everyone else is. Cooler heads will prevail. Just because I don't announce my plan to the group doesn't mean I don't have one. I take care of my shit first, then help out as needed.

Don't whine about how you're not old enough to go out with the group. Maybe that's a sign that you shouldn't have the job you have. Did that ever occur to you? I know there are a lot of mature 20somethings out there, but guess what? You ain't one of em.

If I sound a little bitter, it's because I am. I don't like people who are promoted because someone feels like they owe someone something. It's the second time it's happened in our part of the project, and amazingly, you're a bigger failure than the first promotion that went down like this. I mean really, you make the other bitch look like a fucking MENSA candidate.

Never fear, the bitterness will pass. I'll have a countdown to Go-time, you'll pretend to be sad and then I'll leave and you'll stab me in the back just like everyone else. But hey, I'll be gone and won't care since I'll be making more money than you (which will always be the case) and continuing to live a happier existence because I don't have to pine for things beyond my reach.

Some people pity you, they even feel bad. I don't feel anything. Fear the sense of detachment. If I'm disinterested, you should worry. You're an annoyance, not a threat. People aren't impressed by your cheerleader-esque approace to life. People want to see results. I've delivered -- as an agent, and now as a supervisor. What the fuck have you done?

So really, little Ms. Foxtrot Tango, do us all a favor and keep your fucking mouth shut in meetings. Have you ever noticed how the whole room gets quiet after you blurt something out? It's because no one can believe that another human being would actually let such poorly formed ideas escape. Think before you speak. Or better yet, speak when spoken to.

Until then, how about we set a place for you at the kids' table? That way, you can stay out of the way and let the grown ups do the real work.

Fucking amateur.

P.S. Leadership is a skill, not a position.