Perspective

Been perusing the past entries. I’m amazed at how much can change in a short period of time. I’m also amazed that going with my instincts isn’t a bad thing. I guess I need to trust them a lot more. Things are happening the way they’re meant to, I guess. I can’t complain too much. Schedules suck, but that’s life, right?

I think if I can just get the ex out of my life, things will be a lot better. He doesn’t know I’m moving, doesn’t know I’m seeing someone. I don’t care if he finds out; he won’t find out from me. Anything with him will be on my terms now. The only thing really tying me to him is the cell phone, and I’m getting the billing shit taken care of this week — with or without him. I don’t want him having any control over me. The time in the mountains really proved I want to be rid of him and focus my energy on someone else. Yes, I’m still making time for me; that’s one of the things I promised myself and I will do it. But my instincts were right. I’m not second-guessing myself for being a little gun-shy or indifferent. I do realize wasting energy on the “other one” was … I guess that was my way of trying to figure out what I want. I still don’t really know. And it wasn’t really a waste of energy. Things are turning out the way they should with that situation. Coffee buddies is fine. I really shouldn’t have tried to make there be something more. Will I tell him how I felt? Not a whole lot of point now. We’ll see. Signs point to “no.”

There’s something to be said for taking things a day at a time. I knew I felt a certain way Sunday; Monday reinforced it and helped me realize that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Head over heels in love? No. Not now. Not yet. Still in wait and see mode. I’ve got the time to see where this is headed, and I don’t need to rush anything.

Tired and rambling again. Back at work tomorrow.