If a butterfly flaps its wings...

Good grief, I am tired. I should be asleep, but since I didn’t write yesterday, here I am. I’ve got a pretty good reason for not writing. Honestly. But I do want to wish a dear friend somewhat belated birthday greetings, assuming he still reads this. I hope the card got there in time, and the package will go out this week, come hell or high water. And Mel, call me or e-mail me. We need to talk; it’s nothing bad, I just need a fresh perspective.

So after the 0-3 disaster that was Friday night, Saturday night was kinder to me and I batted .500. That’s not to say someone is completely forgiven for blowing me off. Things did work out, and are headed in a not completely unexpected direction. But it’s one of those shoulda-woulda-coulda situations. I should’ve said something to someone last week. Then maybe he returns my calls this week. Then maybe we go out Friday or Saturday. Then I’m pointed in a completely different direction. Or, I say something to him and it’s not what he wants and I’m in my present situation any how. I can still tell the current objective I have a thing for him, but what’s the point now? I don’t have many regrets in life, but this could be one of them. Not a big one, but I don’t like the fact I chickened out of something I wanted to do. I can still say something, I suppose.

I’m in a situation with no expectations. It’s kind of odd; I’m a little bit scared of the sense of detachment I feel. I should feel more than I do right now. Maybe I’m just too tired to process any of this, I don’t know. But I do know it’s not a good thing to be with one person and wish it was someone else. Maybe “wish” isn’t the right word, since I’m fairly certain I’d never be in this situation with the person in question. I guess it’s more of a “what if” than anything else. That’s troublesome too. My situation isn’t horrible; in fact, it’s one I had wished for about a month ago. And now that I’m here, I want ... something else? Or it comes back to the fact I don’t have a clue what the hell I want. If that’s the case, no good can come of it whatsoever. I’ve been down that road, and it wasn’t pleasant; I’m still paying for it. As for the time element in all this ... I think I got to bed around 6:30 a.m. and then had a fitful sleep until about 11:30. Work was quite difficult today, and the caffeine didn’t do much. The rest of the week will be interesting.

I guess I’m stuck between “wait and see” mode and “life is too short to not take chances” mode. I’m way too tired to figure it out right now, so I’m off to bed. Love this song.

Something’s Always Wrong
Another day
I call and never speak
And you would say nothing’s changed at all
And I can’t feel
Much hope for anything
If I won’t be there to catch you when you fall

Again
It seems we meet
In the spaces
In between
We always say
It won’t take long
But something’s always wrong

Another game
Of putting things aside
As if we’ll come back to them sometime
A brace of hope
A pride of innocence
And you would say something has gone wrong

Again
It seems we meet
In the spaces
In between
We always say
It won’t take long
But something’s always wrong

And again
It seems we meet
In the spaces
In between
We always say
It won’t take long
But something’s always wrong
Something’s always wrong
Something’s always wrong