Sometimes ...

Sometimes, you do things just because.

A whim. An impulse. A wild hair. Spite. Shits and grins. To see what happens.

Or, because it's right.

Righteousness is a powerful thing. You may not be in the right, but if you believe in the cause, in the situation, the circumstance, you'll feel righteous and therefore, it's easier to rationalize.

But this isn't about rationalizing. It's about doing the right thing.

We aren't always able to ask "why"; there are times when you follow a feeling, when you know in your heart that you can make a difference and you do it. Heart says "do it." Head says, "wait, are you sure?" Heart says, "all in good time." Head says, "fight the system."

When it's right, heart and head usually agree.

I don't generally change my mind. And mine is made up on this one. By any means necessary. I will call in the favors I need, I will ask -- on bended knee, if needed -- for help. I'm offering things I never thought I'd offer another person. I can only hope that when the time comes, the offer will be accepted. After all, there aren't many people I'd do absolutely anything for. What's a little money? What are a few possessions? For love and honor? A small price to pay. Dreams and the future, that's the priceless stuff.

It's the right thing to do. Seize the day. Live every moment. Yeah. Mikey's got the right idea.

This isn't about blind devotion or being taken advantage of. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it. This is probably the wrong forum to voice any of this. It doesn't matter.

What's important is doing the right thing. Following your heart, your conscience.

Most importantly, be there.
•••

The song is one of my favorites from Social D. For where I am, it's fitting. For who I'm thinking of ... it's true. Nothing else matters. That is correct.

Social Distortion ~ Untitled
I'm heading down a lonely highway
I'm running down a one-way street
I wanna know are you going my way
is there some place quiet where we can meet
and friends they come and friends they go
but you were always by my side
And where it all ends I don't know
Don't cry no more just hold on tight

There was a time when I was desperate
Living in a town without a name
And when things got so dark and desolate
You taught me how to hide my shame

And kings and queens and millionaires
May never know what I have known
And thank the stars I'm the lucky one,
Thanks for the lessons that I have been shown

I feel rich, I feel power, and security
and when I'm weak, you are strong
Once in a lifetime, twice in eternity
And guess what? Nothing else matters anyway

[guitar solo]

I feel rich, I feel power, and security
and when I'm weak, you are strong
Once in a lifetime, twice in eternity
And guess what? Nothing else matters anyway

P.S. For the record: Not moving, not quitting job, not breaking up with Scott, no one cheated on anyone, none of that shit. I just needed an outlet for some of the shit that's been rattling around my head for the past week or so, and this is what writers do, however poorly this came off. Whatever.

Catching up

It's been awhile since I've posted in either blog, so I guess it's time for an update.

Made the (last-minute) decision to go to the Fishbone show at the Bouquet last night, and I have to say, I'm glad I went. The whole evening was filled with funky, thumping music -- the only thing missing was the man, who has to get up at 6 to be at work. Went with a friend from work and we chilled and enjoyed all three bands.

Locals Kamphire Collective opened, and they were followed by Expendables from Santa Cruz -- they would be the very loud offspring of Sublime and Green Day if the bands mated. I was set to pick up a CD from one of the openers and then Fishbone played their set. Nevermind. Nothing against the other two bands, but Fishbone put on one of the best shows I've ever seen. High energy, great music, great lyrics. I just couldn't hear at the end of the night, which was OK.

I think I take music for granted. It's always there, I always want it to be there, but things like iTunes and my iPod make it so available. Seeing a live show reminds me why music is fun.

•••

Work is going OK as well. Still trying to get used to the schedule and have put in a request to move to a later start time. There's just too much I want to do in the evenings and having to be in bed by 8 or 9 really puts a damper on things. We'll see how that goes.

•••

Dog is shedding like a beast. I keep brushing and he keeps shedding. I know shibas are supposed to have a double coat, but I swear he's got 3 or 4 coats. The hair will not go away and he looks kinda mangy. Still cute, still a pain, but mangy. Poor pup. I'll eventually get him a page here as well so the world can experience his Roscoe-ness.

•••

Yeah, mindless drivel. Must be time to quit.

"I am Skynet"

That's what the shirt said. I don't know if it was Sharpie or some kind of Crayola iron-on. But there it was, right in front of us. And next to one that read "Matt Sabbath."

Two skinny hair-metal wannabes. They were underage, probably in high school. They thought they were cool. We thought they were dorks.

In all fairness, I wasn't the model of coolness in high school. But I wasn't a dork like this. And by "dork" I mean "whale penis" -- which is what the word means (really... I can't make up shit like that). And yes, this was an odd mix of music scenes -- those of us who were there to see Against Me! and those who were there to see Mastodon. The punk crowd and the metal crowd.

Against Me! put on a great show -- full of energy from the first note, and I knew most of the songs. I wish they had been the headliner. They opened with "Pints of Guiness Make You Strong" and that really set the tone. We were two tables from the rail, seated directly behind "I am Skynet" and his anti-heterosexual companions. We had a great view and really, it was one of the most energetic performances I've been able to watch.

What I didn't need was "Skynet" talking shit, or attempting to put down my band. He settled down after a bit. He put his head down on the table and sighed, waiting for his precious band to take the stage. He desperately wanted to speed up time. His bushy, dirty blond mop was straining to break free.... oh, to head bang... please, anything but this punk music!

Austin and I figured we'd give Mastodon a chance. I had heard a song or two of theirs, but really, it wasn't my scene. I saw the band I paid for and was content.

When Mastodon played, Skynet and Sabbath stood up, grabbed the railing and commenced head banging. Never mind the people behind them couldn't see. This was *their* moment. Dear god, nothing could be better than this. Who needs girls? They were *that* close to their idols.

Beavis & Butthead came to mind, except they were both Butthead. Skynet spun his hair around, pausing only to run a hand through his locks, dramatically, alluringly. Sabbath had no rhythm, and actually looked like he was humping the space between the table and the railing. They were a sight. These were the kinds of kids who probably had to endure swirlies and getting stuffed into lockers. I can't say it wouldn't be deserved.

Mastodon sounded good. Their bass player and singer was playing through two huge Mesa Boogie cabs, one of the guitarists was playing through a Mesa stack with a Marshall head. Other guitar player had two stacks that looked like vintage Mesas. Yeah, they were loud.

Then the P.A. went out.

We could still hear the instruments and some of the vocals through the monitors (that's how small the Big Easy is). Skynet and Sabbath were crushed. Someone had set up us the bomb! Move zig!

This happened for about 3 or 4 songs. The band kept playing; they didn't know there was an issue. Then one of the roadies told them between songs. They announced a 15 minute delay. Skynet and Sabbath were crushed. Noes! They can't do this to us! We have curfew!

Austin and I took the opportunity to head for the exit. We saw our band. Mastodon was good, but not our scene.

And really, with fans like Skynet and Sabbath, Mastodon was just fine without us...

Um, yeah...

Dear bitches,

You know who you are. And you know you can go fuck yourselves.

Juvenile? Junior high? Probably. But really, this is about as much effort as I'm willing to put into a response.

You really are lucky to rate this much.

Jen

P.S. It's your hell. You burn there. Better yet. Keep being yourselves. That's punishment enough.

They don't ...

.. fire you for missing work.

It's a novel concept. And they don't dock your pay for being sick or pull from your vacation hours because we're salaried -- with the ability to earn overtime.

I was astonished to find out that there are "attendance guidelines." There is no attendance plan. There are no points. You can have "an occurrence" but guess what? If I'm out sick for 15 consecutive days -- and I have a note from the doctor, or bring the doctor with me -- IT COUNTS AS ONE OCCURRENCE.

How fucking crazy is that?

/begin Leonidas moment

*Crazy?*
THIS IS X... Y... Z... INC!

/end Leonidas moment

Yeah.

My boss? He really, really dislikes HR conversations. He really dislikes firing people. It's really hard to get fired. In fact, he told me that the way he sees things, when you put someone on an "attendance plan" you might as well start walking them to the door.

Hmmm....

I think I like my boss. Not that I'm going to abuse the attendance plan. Why bother? I have vacation time. And can take sick days if needed.

So. After three days on the floor, I've come to realize the following:

1. Our customers are pretty good, especially the ones who have been in the service long enough to be promoted a few times.

2. Windows XP doesn't suck ... compared to a root canal

3. These calls are easy and I should have a handle time below 20 minutes most of the time

4. Better pay and benefits mean more than people think

5. Tomorrow is my Friday, we can wear jeans and I have a four-day weekend coming.

6. Overtime means Jen can get Macbook Pro sooner.

Ass-out tired

I'm a Monday-through-Friday drone now.

XYZ, Inc. is pretty good except for the fucked up hours -- I work from 5:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.

But I get benefits.
I have health insurance.
I get paid EARLY.
I trust our payroll department to do direct deposit.
I can make overtime.
There's lots of room for advancement.
With OT, I know I make more than certain other folks.

But really, the best thing is that I'm starting to be pretty decent at my job, and at XYZ, Inc., they reward you for doing good work.

I miss some of the people from Corporation X, but not many of them. Just like I know I'm missed by a few, but not many. Time and distance are an amazing measurement of friendship and loyalty.

Sure, it goes both ways, but true colors are true colors.

Anyway, I'm tired. I'm thrilled to be going to bed at around 8 each night.

Humans really aren't designed to wake up at 4 a.m. But I suspect if I keep working hard, I'll get a new schedule, some day.

Until then, we'll keep counting down to the weekend. It's nice to have those again.