<3

This is my desk at work. I now command my team from teh uberness balloon fort o doom. Yeah. T34m 1337 r0xx0rz @ Corp X. We will see how long the balloons last.



For a b-day at work, this one was pretty good. As far as recent birthdays go, this one is right up there. B-day No. 33 was excellent for reasons known to Scott and me. I don't remember a whole lot about No. 34 and No. 35 still has the weekend to live through -- had Flying Pie tonight and have a home-cooked meal coming on Saturday. And as I mentioned earlier, the crew at the game store was exceptionally generous. So much to assemble and paint now.

Thanks guys.

Full of stars

Round 2 of the tattoo didn't hurt as much as Round 1. Mostly because I knew what to expect, and because shading with color isn't as painful as black.

Anyway, here it is.



I'm in love.

My birthday present to myself is pretty much complete. I need to find something for the top of my wrist, but I'm in no rush. I want this to heal and be all pretty.

And to the gang at the game store, not that you guys are on myspace, thanks for the gifts. Best. Gamer. Geek. Birthday. Ever.

Locked and loaded

A shotgun approach to writing. Ready? Pull.

Pettiness and bullshit shouldn't be a part of the work place. That is, unless you work in a call center, or, more specifically, Corporation X. I don't want any part of your drama or shit, so leave my name out of it. I'm not there to be your friend; I'm there to do a job, and so are you. So shut the fuck up and do your job. If you're the kind of person who has to be miserable all the time, or has to make others miserable, get the fuck out and get another job where you can be miserable somewhere else. I'm tired of your lies and back stabbing. Really, we have better things to do than to chase conspiracy stories and babysit your whiny ass. Wear big-kid pants or go the fuck home. Seriously.

And speaking of your home life: Just because it's miserable (sensing a theme here?) doesn't mean it's OK for you to have a "work spouse" you can tell secrets to or whatever it is you do. No one fucking cares. Grow up. Or put on your big-kid pants and shack up. Better idea: Tell someone who gives a fuck.
•••
To the pathological liars among you: Take your drama into the corner with the work spouses. Tell them your lies about what a great couple they are, or how you used to be an astronaut and can beat up the "real" Luke Skywalker. Or how you single-handedly rescued 69 nuns from a burning train and they thanked you by breaking their vow of chastity so they could fuck you, their hero. I wish I understood why people felt the need to lie. I guess if it's pathological, they can't help it. By all means, sterilize these assholes so they can't fucking breed. Fuck.
•••
To the dumb cunt in the FP parking lot this afternoon: Yes, I used the cunt word. But really, how hard is to to part between the lines and not hit a vehicle? Should be easy. Should be a no-brainer, right? Nope, not for that bitch. She swung her piece o shit Buick (with no front plate) into the space and managed to scrape her front right bumper on the tire of the Nissan Pathfinder next to her. She got some nice, black marks for her ineptitude. Neat. Then, realizing she was stupid, she backed out and proceeded to scrape the shit out of the Dodge Durango on her left. She could barely get out of the car. And saw the fucking scrape on the Durango. And acted like nothing happened.

Stupid whore, I know you had 1A plates. But deep down, you're a foxtrot tango from the 2C. You probably love the NASCAR as much as you like it in the ass.
•••
It would appear I'm pretty bitter for someone who is supposed to be heading into a new direction after reading Zen and the Art of Happiness. But the bottom line is, I'm pretty fucking happy. Everything happens for a reason. A situation doesn't become favorable until you adapt and make it so. This is for my benefit. These phrases are never far from my mind. They've helped me get through situations that would have driven me into a murderous rage in the past. Now, I just sit back and laugh. Mostly.
•••
The danger of sitting back and laughing is when you do, shit sneaks up on you. Maybe that's the way things are supposed to go, but I'd rather be vigilant. It's more of being aware of what's going on around you than anything else. If you know where to expect bad shit, it's easier to deflect it.

The unexpected isn't a bad thing. I've had quite a few unexpected moments in the past two weeks, mostly in the form of support from our agents on the floor. I know of four agents who have actively tried to get me fired. But I know of at least three times that many who have voiced their support -- to me, or to the higher ups. This isn't about dividing the project, or who's wrong or right. I'm at Corporation X to do a job and support products I'm passionate about and have used since I could use computers. I understand our agents and our customers. I don't sugar coat and I don't kiss ass. My intent is to be true to myself and encourage our agents to do their best. I have high expectations for myself, and for my team. Catering to whiners or falling for brown nosing isn't me. If that rubs folks the wrong way, buck up and get your shit done. Even at my worst, I'm a much better boss than the worst bosses I've had the displeasure of working for. At my best, I'm right there with my mentors and the cornerstones of my working life. Take me down. You got nothing. Not even this blog, which sure as fuck doesn't mention any employee names, or company names. Bring it.
•••

There will be tattoo pics in my next posting, assuming I'm able to move my right wrist when all is said and done. I'm not sure what Jon has worked up for me, but I'm excited. Let the birthday week celebration begin.

And as for the whole "OMG, I can't believe you got an APPLE! OMG!" responses, you need to look at it this way: Folks get Harley-Davidson tattoos all the time. They love the product, they live the lifestyle. It's the same with Mac folks. Believe me: My Apple addiction was in full effect long before the iPod and the MacBook. Apple is a cult brand, just like H-D.

It's a damn good cult.

P.S. Fuck you Micro$oft for releasing Vista on my birthday. I don't care if your shit is out before Leopard. It's taken you how fucking long to catch up to OS X 10.1? Tards.

OK then...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bobaferret

That's my flickr page. Check out the photos, there isn't much there right now. But the more I use it, the more I feel compelled to shoot.

If you take photos and/or love photography, you need to check this shit out. I haven't even begun exploring other people's stuff. The thing that convinced me how cool the site is: You have a map. You can drag your photos to the map. It plots longitude and latitude based on where you drag the photo. Do it. Now.

Stop reading and go!!

No, I don't get kick backs or anything. I know some of you geeks out there like to take pictures. Show em off. I wanna see. That, and I need more friends on there. :P

P.S. Mel, I already found you there. You need to add pics, dammit...

Tattoo, a week later

My apple doesn't look like the one in the picture. It's red and angry and it still hurts. Most of the crusties have fallen off, or been pulled off. Aquaphor is my friend and is nice and soothing.

I'm worried about the lack of color and the amount of redness, but Jon said black and whites tend to stay irritated longer. I hope he's right. But if there's touch up to be done, it can happen when I get the rest of my wrist done next Monday.

With how much the apple hurt, I questioned whether I wanted to go through with it. But I do. It'll suck. I'll have to get the USB keyboard to use when I type on the Powerbook because I won't be able to set my wrist on the rest for fear of gooping up the nice aluminum finish. It also means I won't be able to paint for a week, which I'm OK with.

The thing I'm not looking forward to is banging the wrist into every object around me.

Beyond that... some other interesting life developments that probably won't get posted here. Or will they?

Entertainment

It takes more than four or five really determined males to finish a whole keg of Coors Light. I mean really. You could've finished it in maybe a week. If you were drinking constantly for 7 days. But in a night? When you were falling down by 10? LOL

Being sober at a drunken birthday celebration is one of the best ways to be entertained. You can tell drunk people ANYTHING and they believe you. Granted, it's not nice to pick on the impaired, but hey, I never said I was nice.

In any event, it was a VERY entertaining evening. The youngins didn't get their revenge on the birthday boy. He didn't quite get the last laugh, but was still standing when all was said and done.

Good shit. I hope no one's hangover was too horrible. :grin:

There's something to be said for having Sunday and Monday off.

Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww

I have the best cat in the world. OK, she's the best cat I've ever owned. The adopted stray named Domino at Scott's is pretty freakin cool. But Cassie, she's magnificent.

Just now, she proved how magnificently STINKY she is. I don't what she did. Her food hasn't changed. Maybe she isn't feeling well. She threw up about 90 minutes ago. But her foul stench actually prompted me to write one more entry before I pass out from the smell.

She's a foul, foul, magnificently beautiful beast. I can only hope she's exorcised the demons from her bowels. Because it sure as hell smells like she sold her ass to the devil.

Tattoo, the day after

t's gotta be a law. Or the sick joke of the Universe.

You know how when you have an injured or sore body part, that's the part you poke, pinch, slam into a door frame (fuck, that hurts!) with alarming frequency? The same thing holds for freshly tattooed bits.

Slammed the wrist into the door frame this morning, saw stars. Poke the wrist with my badge. Banged wrist into desk. Bumped wrist on PowerBook just now. Go fig.

I'm apprehensive about Phase 2. It will be around my whole wrist and slightly wider than the Apple. Jon said the really tender bit is where the wrist and hand connect. I think the top of my wrist will be OK because there's muscle there, unlike the underside.

I made the mistake of putting scented lotion on it this evening. It was soothing ... right up until it felt like there were burning needles shooting through my arm. I ran and rinsed it off. The skin around the tat was red and angry. After leaving Scott's, I made a quick trip to Freddy's. I knew there had to be something on the organic aisle that would help. And so we have acquired 99% aloe vera gelly, certified 99% organic. No parabens, no artificial colors, no synthetic fragrance (thank fucking dog) and no animal testing (yeah, we'll test that shit on me).

First application went to the yin yang on the left arm. That felt pretty good. Then we did the wrist. Soothing, cool ... warmth, pain... did my best to ignore and ate my Hot Pockets while checking email. Now, the skin is still a little red, but cooler to the touch. The apple is starting to look like it was inked on an elephant; those layers of skin are dying off and drying quick. I can see the ink below the skin were the drier skin is shrinking. The muscles in my forearm feel taught from trying to keep my wrist still, and it hurts to roll my wrist toward me.

Yeah, it's all self-inflicted, I know. And I'm not really gonna weenie out on the finished product. I'm gonna load up on my echinacea and pau d'arco to make sure the immune system is doing all it can. I'll make a conscious effort to NOT smack into things.

And then I'll grin. Because after seeing some of the other Apple tats out there, I know that Jon hooked me up with some very solid artwork. Can't wait to get it finished.

OMG... OMFG

or, you did what?

Finally did it. Got another tattoo. If you've seen the profile pic, you know it's for a company that's near and dear to my heart. No, I didn't just start using Macs, nor do I want an iPhone. I've been part of the cult since 1984 for Macs, 1977 for Apple (the II, IIe).

This is stage one. If it seems to have a red tint, that's BLOOD, which happens when one gets a tattoo. Stage two will be in about two weeks after Jon at Devotion as had a chance to figure out a background/band that will encircle my wrist -- something that will look good on its own, but not detract from the Apple.

In any event, to the people who would want to give me shit about this (since this is friends-only, I doubt this will be the case): This is no different than the people who get Harley-Davidson tattoos. If I was still riding, I'm sure I'd have a Buell tat. I can't think of another company's products that have affected my life the way Apple has. iPod, Powerbook, iMac, G4 tower... these were, and are, things that I use all the time. iTunes, iPhoto, iWeb... I could go on, but I think you guys have heard this before. Feel free to try and judge, but it's not your decision, or your place to tell me how to live my life.

Anyway, this is my birthday present to myself. And I'm damned happy about it.





For the record: the stuff on the inside of my wrist (the side with the bite taken out) hurt like a goddamned bitch. I think the Zen book must be helping because I took a deep breath, relaxed and went to the happy place and things were good.

EDIT: This is the wallpaper I found 10 days ago while doing a Google image search for Apple logos. I liked the idea of doing a "different" Apple tattoo and loved the background for this. Jon worked with a 4x6 photo I got printed and the logo is just under 2 inches tall.

Yeah, it's like that now

My personal logo (as well as the logo for my wannabe graphic design business):


The way life should be lived:





Song of the moment:
Marilyn Manson
The Fight Song

Nothing suffocates you more than
The passing of everyday human events
Isolation is the oxygen mask you make
Your children breath in to survive

I'm not a slave to a god
That doesn't exist
I'm not a slave to a world
That doesn't give a shit

And when we were good
You just closed your eyes
So when we are bad
We'll scar your minds

Fight x8

You'll never grow up to be a big -
Rock - star - celebrated - victim - of - your - fame
They'll just cut our wrists like
Cheap coupons and say that death
Was on sale today

And when we were good
You just closed your eyes
So when we are bad
We'll scar your minds

But I'm not a slave to a god
That doesn't exist
But I'm not a slave to a world
That doesn't give a shit

The death of one is a tragedy x3
But the death of millions is just a statistic
I'm not a slave to a god
That doesn't exist
I'm not a slave to a world
That doesn't give a shit

I'm not a slave to a god
That doesn't exist
I'm not a slave to a world
That doesn't give a shit

Fight x8


Yeah, it's like that now.

Don't worry, be happy.

Tired of it all

It's time for a change. I'm tired of settling, tired of putting up with bullshit. I'm worth more than I'm making now, but it's not about the money. It's about treating a person with respect and trusting them to do their job.

I'm tired of the politics, the petty bullshit and all the crap that goes on behind the scenes that certain people think no one knows about. I'm tired of leadership that preaches one thing and then goes out and does exactly what we're being told not to do.

I'm tired of favoritism. I'm tired of busting my ass for an asshole who cares about appearances, not effort. I'm tired of justifying why our company sucks to my employees.

I'm tired of bullshit. I'm tired of compromising my beliefs.

I will not settle. I can do better, even if I'm slinging pizzas.

I go out on my terms. And fuck anyone who gets in my way.

Oh, as an added bonus, if you can read this, it means I trust you enough to know you won't fuck me over at work, or you'd have my back regardless of any stupid career moves I might make. Stay tuned. This should be entertaining, especially given the Zen teachings I'm trying to embrace: Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me. Yeah. That includes the raging clusterfuck that was Saturday.

The way I see it: With out Saturday being fucked up and getting me to realize I should be doing better, I wouldn't have seen the career opportunities that have presented themselves. And in the end, if my exodus leads the rest of the rats off the ship, then we'll all be in a better place. Yeah. Sit back and watch the fun...

Slacking my way into 07

I was supposed to write a blog about a week and a half ago and couldn't manage the energy. How pathetic is that? The writer, the person who can type 90 wpm, the one who has a smart-ass comment for everything. Blank.

I know what my problem was. FFXI is the short answer; the real answer runs much deeper and is something I'd prefer not to analyze. Tonight, the PS2 stays off until I get this done.

I don't like my lack of accomplishment in 2006; it feels like a continuation of 2005 with less angst. I'm waiting for my moment, but I'm not sure what it is.

Going back to school?
Getting my own place?
Buying a new computer?
Taking more pictures?
Writing more?
Getting in shape?
Walking the dog?
Giving Corporation X the finger?

Any of those and all of those.

But let's go back to that lack of accomplishment before focusing on the stuff I want to do. I'm not letting myself off that easy.

There was all kinds of rah-rah bullshit about sticking it to the man and being my own person and doing things my way. That lasts for about a week, until the sucking reality of Corp X raises its slimy head and drags me back to reality. All the talk of being there for people, sticking up for them? It's replaced by the desire to save one's own ass and keep all the ducks in a row. Yeah, that really hurts the man where it counts. /rolleyes

For me, it comes back to balance. And once again, despite my constant reminders, I've misplace equilibrium yet again. I'm the only one who can find it. I just need to pull my head out long enough to do it.

As a whole, 2006 wasn't terrible; it's no 2004. I've met some really cool people, some of whom I'll keep in contact with after I leave Corp X. Professionally, the year was ... meh. I got promoted, but really, I've gotten promoted at every job I've held. I think I'm in the better-than-average category, but I know there are agents who disagree. I'm not there to make friends or please everyone; we have jobs to do. Have a good time, but prove you can do the work.

On the personal side, things are pretty damn good -- for the most part. I've got friends I need to talk to more, or spend more time with, but that happens all the time. Ah, but we'll always have myspace, right? Yeah. >_>

I got to go to the coast with Scott. We've been able to do some pretty cool stuff with the guys. And really, this was the best Christmas and New Year's I can remember (yay! Ken and Suzette's killer party!) I'd like 2007 to bring more of the same, and more. Now if I could just figure out the whole job thing, and what I want to be when I grow up. If 35 isn't well on the way to grown up, then what the hell is? Yeah, 35 and working at a call center. That's where I wanted to be.

Corp X has extremely high entertainment value; that and the fact I get to work with products I love keeps me there. That should be enough, but it's not for me. It will sound incredibly egotistical, but I should be doing better. I should be getting paid to write, or design pages or brochures. I should be paid to tap into the creativity I rediscovered in 2004, to push the boundaries at a mediocre paper and give them a glimpse of what's possible. I know what I want to do. I'm too chicken shit to do it. I don't have the money to do it.

I'm not making any resolutions; I never have. I'm trying to make small changes that will benefit me in the long run. I've dialed back my caffeine intake (tea, anyone?). I've stopped drinking soda and energy drinks, though I'll have one if I'm eating a slice at FP. I'm trying to cut back on processed sugar, but that's a losing battle. Caffeine and soda are huge for me, and it seemed like I was losing weight.

I want to use my camera more; I've got a photo buddy (hi Sue!) to help push me creatively, I just need to make the time. I want to write more, even if it's stupid, boring rambling shit like this. I'm actually good at making the rambling shit not so boring, which is why I have folks who read this damned thing.

I want to use my web space and play around with iLife more.

You know, scratch all that stuff about "want." This is stuff I need to do for me. I need to take more pictures. I need to write more. I need to use my web space. I need to get my armies painted. I need to play my guitar. I need to walk my dog and take him places.

I need to find balance. I need to be true to myself. I need to remember that out of a list of 166 people, there's only a handful of folks who will push me to get my shit together. And that's OK. They're the same ones who have always been there, good and bad.

Here's to the folks who have my back, and here's to a better year.

And, to DJ: Not quite the blog I wanted to write, but here it is. And you know which group you fall into.