It takes all kinds II

OK, Matt and I came up with a few more types today...

Speaker phonies: These are the people who are too good to hang onto the phone while they're talking to you. What's even better if you get a whole room full of people and you have to figure out who the hell you're talking to.

Some of these people have really good speaker phones. Most of them don't. They sound like they're talking to you from the bottom of an elevator shaft, which is where many of them need to end up. Or the echo/reverb in your headset is so awful you're trying to get off the phone as quickly as possible. They're not even the least bit sorry they sound like shit and can't understand why you'd every be annoyed with them.

Annoyance level: Mild to high, depending on phone quality and the number of people involved in the call. If you've got a room full of jubilant retirees who want to leave positive feedback, life is good. Most of the time, you won't be that lucky.

Speed talkers: They don't breathe; they don't need to. They don't give you a chance to get a word in for any reason at all. The best you can do is try and sputter out some instructions before they cut you off -- and they love doing that -- to try and keep them on task.

Quite often, speed talkers are commentators -- a bad combo. Just what we all need -- customers who won't STFU and prattle on just to hear their own voices.

Annoyance level: Get a gun. End it.

Hysterical: "I've got email dating back 6 years on this computer. I would die if anything happened to it." Did you back up your data? "No. Should I have done that? Is this bad? Am I going to lose EVERYTHING????????"

There are several types of hysterical customers. Some of them have lost term papers, some of them have lost photos, many of them have lost music. What the majority of them have in common is the inability to 1) save early and often; 2) have some kind of backup somewhere.

I'm really sorry you're going to lose the music you purchased from iTMS. I don't give a shit about you losing 5 years' worth of PIRATED music and movies. Or your pr0n collection. I will empathize/sympathize with the customer who is on the verge of losing family photos. You monkey spankers are on your own.

Annoyance level: Mild. These are the callers who are too distraught for you to gain agreement on the issue at times. Transfer to a product specialist.