Pain in the ...

Let's get this out of the way: Getting old(er) sucks. When I was younger, I didn't have the aches and pains, allergies or migraines. Yeah, migraines, that's today's topic.

Since I'm still without health insurance, mostly because the insurance at work sucks ass, I get to live with the migraines. I've had two in the past month after not having any since giving up Diet Coke and all drinks with artificial sweeteners -- especially those with aspartame, which is known to cause cancer, seizures and a host of other nasty things in rats and humans. But that's a soap box for another day.

Anyway, since my job involves me sitting in front of a computer all day under hideous flourescent lighting with a constant din of noise in the background, it's not surprising the headaches have returned. I would like them to stop, but I think there's a way I can make money off 'em.

I need someone, anyone, to develop the technology to harvest the pain from these headaches and store them. That way, I can send them to people. Better yet, refine the technology so I can send them to a specific body part. Store up a few good ones (read: searing pain for me) and then I could send them to someone. Someone like my ex-husband. Yeah. I like that idea. Five skull-crushing migraines, right to his penis. I like that idea.

•••

I got hit on the other day when I stopped at the Stinker Station for a Powerade. Relatively nice guy behind the counter, I've seen him before. Older guy, turns out he's 67. Anyway, I'm at the counter and he says, "Are you easily offended?" [Oh great...] No, not really. "Are you married?" [oh dog... so without even blinking, I say...] Yes, I am. "Darn it! Well, I just wanted to tell you I think you're gorgeous. Not too many women like to hear that because they think you're after something else." [phew] Well, thanks, I'm glad you think so. "You make sure you tell that man of yours he's a lucky guy! And besides, I'm too young for you anyway."

Yeah, that was a little strange. Harmless, mini-boost to the ego, but strange. It's also the first time I've said I was married in nearly two years. We're not there yet, don't have a date or anything, not in any real rush. I just think it's pretty cool that I feel that close to Scott where that's how it feels. People put all kinds of labels on marriage and associate it with a lot of baggage; that's not what I'm talking about. I guess it's tough to describe if you've never been there. But trust me: it's a good thing.