The manufacturer says it's "one touch", but "ultra soft"? Who the hell are you kidding? There's *nothing* soft about lancing your finger, or fingers, in my case since I'll be good and god damned if I can get enough blood for my meter to read on the first try.
But then let's mention the fact that the doc wasn't planning on having me test my glucose since telling me I've got Type 1 diabetes a week ago. Since it's in the "early stages" he was going to have me wait 3 months for my second hemoglobin A1C test to see the changes from my initial blood work.
What?
In researching what this diagnosis meant, we discover that:
Type 1 diabetes occurs when the body's own immune system destroys the insulin-producing cells of the pancreas (called beta cells).
Normally, the body's immune system fights off foreign invaders like viruses or bacteria. But for unknown reasons, in people with type 1 diabetes, the immune system attacks various cells in the body. This results in a complete deficiency of the insulin hormone.
And:
Many people with type 1 diabetes live long, healthy lives. The key to good health is keeping your blood sugar levels within your target range, which can be done with meal planning, exercise and intensive insulin therapy. All people with type 1 diabetes must use insulin injections to control their blood glucose.
You will also need to check your blood sugar levels regularly and make adjustment of insulin, food and activities to maintain a normal sugar.
I know there needs to be a baseline before we jump to insulin therapy. But really, to not tell me to check my blood sugar regularly, that's just asking for trouble. And that's where the anger comes in.
I don't blame anyone for this; I know it's genetics and I'm OK with that. But at least give me the tools I need to manage this and figure out what the fuck is going on with my body. Don't end the office visit while I'm peeing into a cup. Don't make me call your office twice to find out it 1) I should be testing my glucose -- which everyone I talked to recommended; and 2) to get a prescription for my testing supplies, which cost way more than they should (more on that in a moment).
The other part of the anger: Why me? Genetics aside, I can think of people who deserve to deal with this the rest of their lives. CWB, for one. I'm 35. I'm not in great shape, but I know people who are worse off than me. I know it's not a death sentence; it's a lifestyle change and it's something I think about an awful lot these days.
Then there's the anger at the system, at "the man." I can't be without health insurance now. Doctor visits, tests, supplies. A box of 100 test strips retails for about $100. For tiny, little pieces of plastic. Lancets? About $40 for 100. Thanks to insurance, the test strips, lancets and alcohol swabs came to about $42. For roughly a month's worth of stuff, maybe more depending on how often I test.
My insurance has paid for itself just in supplies. I don't want -- I refuse -- to get to a point where I need to rely on pharmaceutical companies for my well-being. There's a better way, a more natural way and I will seek out the alternative and homeopathic methods whenever I can. I'm angry enough about being a slave to the heath care system. I will not be enslaved by pharmaceutical companies. Fuck them right in the ear.
Anger isn't necessarily healthy. But I know I need to stay angry, at least until I come up with a plan. I'm conscious of what food does to me now. Why did I eat those hash browns? What was I thinking when I got that bag of Skittles? The hash browns brought my glucose from 109 (which is probably too low; I didn't snack between lunch and dinner) to 223. As I said, I don't know what ranges I need to stay in. I know that I've still got a raging headache, I feel drained and I want to throw up. I keep telling ye olde gag reflex there's no point in vomiting; that meal is long metabolized and I will only get more dehydrated.
Yet, there are periods when the anger fades into resignation. I'll always feel like shit, always feel run down and there's nothing I can do about it. I shouldn't worry; the doctor didn't say I needed to test, so why should I? I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, eat a little less and walk the dog more.
Sure, in 3 months, I'll be on medication to regulate my blood sugar and maybe won't need to take insulin. And maybe, the world will stay just peachy through these rose-colored glasses.
And maybe, just maybe, monkeys will fly sideways out my ass.
The head-in-the-sand approach has never worked for me.
I found myself a new doc; I don't get to see her until the end of August, but she comes highly recommended. I've got an exercise plan and need to start ASAP. I think I'll start feeling better once I get into a routine. Candy and sweets have lost their appeal and I don't crave salty things, either. The days of grabbing a bag of chips for a snack are long gone. We're going to keep it healthy and organic whenever possible.
It's not the end of the world. It's definitely life changing; I can't deny that. I'll get better with the finger pricking. Today was the first day of it.
I've got plenty of time to practice. And learn how to manage Destructo, the pancreas o doom.
P.S. Please don't mistake this for a plea for sympathy... I needed to get a lot of this out of my system and figured I'd share with the group in the process.
P.P.S. Karma Bunny, please feel to kick CWB in the balls. I will gladly donate any points I have with you to this cause. And talk to your friend Dan, the dyslexic DNA Bunny about visiting the Alpha Hotel to do the Whiskey Tango. Thank you.
balanced